I recently received a plea from a distraught father who was concerned about his first child custody court hearing. His ex has made allegations of drug use, and has not let him see their child since they split up. She had also sought and received a restraining order. This is part of our conversation. Shortened for brevity.

I have court this Monday and I am scared to death that I will be forced to accept my wife’s proposed parenting plan. Her PP only allows for 1 hour supervised visits, and a host of requirements (i.e. regular drug tests, hair, counseling, and access to all my private med records).

I have been taking pain meds for a few years now (ALWAYS under the care of a doctor), and she is trying to use this as a wedge to drive me out of my kids life. I am so angry because after 13 years of having a best friend and confident, she just up and asked me for a divorce. She kicked me out of the house and I have not seen my little one for 2 months.

Out of the blue she hit me with a DV restraining order making all these false allegations of abuse. The DVRO was accepted by the courts for a year. She claimed verbal, mental, and minor physical (i.e. spanking), what a crock of ship! I have never laid a hand on my family, and find it offensive to those who have truly suffered abuse.

The drug addiction claim is what scares me and is the back bone of her case. I have been on pain meds for 3-4 years due to a work place injury. I had surgery to correct the problem, but it didn’t work out that way. This last 2 years I have been under the care of a Pain Management doctor, and I am doing very well. I told my dr. what she said and he was appalled at her claims. He wrote me a letter stating that I am under his care and take regular drug test and have never had signs of addiction.

Here is my reply;

I don't think you have a serious issue with the pain medication or drug allegations. Think about it. The worst that will happen is she has to pay for drug screening twice a month forever. You get certified as drug free. She is out a bunch of money and she has proved herself as having an overactive imagination. That being said don't agree to it. You need to head onto mediation. Mediation won't resolve much if you don't agree but it is the next step.

My immediate concern is that you need to go after a temporary visitation schedule that looks like what you want permanent. Temporary schedules tend to become permanent. If you settle for a light schedule you will likely have it forever.

You need a bulleted list to take to court. Make sure each issue you have listed gets covered. (I'm a decent public speaker but I have a hard time in court because of the circumstances) Let your list do the thinking for you.

Don't take anything but the letter from your doctor. Stop driving yourself crazy, this is a no-brainer. Simply state that you are under the care of a pain specialist and you have a letter from him. State nothing else unless asked directly by the judge.

Spend no time on the ex's shortcoming's unless you can PROVE that they are real and they affect her as a parent. Get a laser focus on being a dad.

You will have at most 15 minutes with the judge. The judge will get their information from your filings. You may get 5 minutes to talk about you, so decide what is most important and talk about that first.