Should You Get A Divorce?

Filing for divorce is a very serious legal matter. If you and your spouse have children, a divorce is more likely to be contentious because of visitation and custody rights. First, you must be honest about the condition of your marriage and consider not getting a divorce unless both you and your spouse have no chance of reconciling your difficulties. Next, if you think difficulties with your spouse are irreconcilable and want to go forward with a divorce, you need to realize that your personal life will be turned over to the court system. You will lose a certain degree of control over your finances, property, and children. Your bad habits, infidelities, income, personal history, etc. will become a matter of public record. The decisions of the court will be final, save appealing the decisions. Studies have repeatedly shown that divorce is not healthy for children. It is recommended that you undergo marriage counseling prior to filing for divorce, if you spouse is willing. A last attempt at saving a bad marriage through counseling might resurrect the love you once had for your spouse and ultimately save your marriage. Some courts require marriage counseling prior to issuing a divorce decree.

How To File For Divorce

The first step in filing a divorce is hiring a divorce attorney. Finding a good divorce attorney, however, can be challenging. You ought to do some research and ask around. Friends and relatives who are divorced can usually give you some referrals or provide you with some insights about how to proceed. It is imperative that you check with the local bar association about the status of any attorney you plan to hire. You don't want to hire an attorney that has been sanctioned by the courts or the bar association for illegal and/or unethical behavior.

After you hire an attorney, the first step in filing a divorce is to pay the attorney a retainer fee. Most established attorneys will not take on cases without a retainer. In case you don't already know, divorce is expensive. A retainer fee is an up front payment to cover the initial costs of the divorce. You can expect a retainer in the hundreds or thousands of dollars. The typical contended divorce costs between $15,000 and $30,000 from start to finish.

Your attorney will then begin gathering information about your marriage, your finances, your children, and your personal life. If you are the one initiating the divorce, you are known as the plaintiff. As such, your attorney will notify your spouse via messenger service that you have filed a divorce. When the messenger service makes contact with your spouse, they will 'serve' the divorce papers. Your spouse will have a limited amount of time to respond to the divorce filing.

What Happens After I File For Divorce?

Your spouse will very likely hire a divorce attorney and the contentious nature of the proceedings will take over. A 'discovery' process will expose all the details of your marriage, especially details about finances and children (if you have any). The entire process will become a battle of "that's mine and this is yours." You and your spouse will need to appear before a judge in court to attest to your side of the lawsuit and answer questions. A good attorney will help you through this process. Typically, your attorney and your spouse's attorney will work to obtain an equitable and speedy settlement. If at any time you do not feel your attorney is representing your interests adequately, you should inform the judge and the bar association.

The Divorce is Final--Now What?

Pay attorney fees. Your divorce was very costly. You likely now have to share child custody with your ex. If you were the sole or primary bread winner, you are now also paying alimony and probably paying the lion's share of debts that were accumulated during your marriage. At this point, you are probably questioning whether going through with the divorce was the best thing to do.

Final Note

Unless there is severe emotional or especially physical abuse, you should seriously consider not getting divorced. It is a losing proposition. This is particularly the case when children are involved. If you have no children with your spouse, you can completely walk away from your ex-spouse.

Learn the Secrets To a Successful Divorce

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