I thought we had a contract. I look after you and when the time came for reciprocation, you would look after me. For some, it may appear to be selfish to expect my children to care for me in their homes instead of placing me in a nursing home because of my stroke. The contract, my children's and mine was formed at their birth. Their precious lives belonged to me. Their fate entrusted with me until they reached maturity and could fend for themselves.

As they grew our dependence on one another was unquestionable, our silent contract now melded together. I looked after them at the most vulnerable times of their lives and at some point I trusted they would do the same for me, their protector, their confidante, loving friend and mother.  Once I began to age and couldn't fend for myself, my hope was that my children would honor our contract initiated at their birth.

I am now dependent on my children, trusting their judgment and compassion as they now control my life, where I live, what I wear and even my finances. A role reversal of sorts, that has begrudgingly taken place without my input or consent. My mental state, despite the stroke that paralyzed the left side of my body, was left intact without any effect on my speech.

I suffer a deep denial of my plight as I stare down unbelieving at my lifeless left arm and leg unable to move or feel the touch of another human being. I can't walk and therefore, I am confined to a wheelchair. However, my will to walk, to be back in control of my life still prevails despite the choices my children have made for me.

My life once filled with joy and excitement with the ability to dictate my actions from one minute to the next is now one that is dependent on strangers and family members as I long to have my life back again.  I want to go home.

Most of my days are spent either sitting or lying expressionless in a silent display as I reflect over my life now stifled by consequence. I will tell anyone who will listen.  I want to go home. I pray daily and eagerly solicit prayers from my visitors to ask God to be merciful and restore me back to my prior self. I want to go home.

I suppose the easy thing to do would be to give up, to succumb to this existence. My life now consists of waiting. I wait for time as my life slowly slips from my grasp with each passing sunset and sunrise. I sob deeply and behind the tears is the sadness and the pain as I struggle to comprehend why I have been left in this place.

I've had to conform to a way of life that I have never known or thought would ever live. I have asked my children to take me to their homes, can't we work something out? With each explanation of why it can't be, their words bitingly remind me and it's as if they don't know . . . that we had a contract.

My children seem oblivious to my situation. They are comfortable with their obligatory visits. However, the fact still remains, I want to go home.  For living here for me is not living. My time is spent disconnected and suspended by emptiness which gives one ample time to ponder life as it is and what it was.

So, I wait. I fill the empty moments with memories of days gone by as I slowly come to terms with my plight.  I wish to discuss the terms of this contract, which appears to be binding and for me, one sided. With each passing day I realize that a negotiation is not possible. So, I wait and wish I could go home.

Although, some residents find it hard to come to terms with their disability, their family would serve them well to consider an assisted living facility.  The resident may respond better to an assistant living situation where they are still able to maintain some independence.

Depending on the circumstances, sometimes a nursing home is not the best choice. As caregivers we have to understand how the resident may have to mentally digest the change in their living status from being able to protect their privacy to now having to live in an environment that is more public and structured.

Additionally, some nursing home residents are often apprehensive about having to interact with care givers because they are strangers providing them care. Because some of the personal care nursing home personnel provide at times creates a sense of familiarity which the resident may not be accustomed to receiving from strangers, especially when it's not by choice.

Further, it's important that residents are able to maintain their family relationships. If the resident doesn't feel alone or abandoned, but still part of their family, residents tend to be able to handle living in a nursing home or assisted living facility better.

It's not easy having a parent living in a nursing home. Sometimes there is a need for emotional support and daily affirmations can be a great pick me up for caregivers when necessary.

It’s not easy having a parent living in a nursing home. Sometimes there is a need for emotional support and daily affirmations can be a great pick me up for caregivers when necessary.  If your loved one is living out of state in a nursing home, traveling to their location shows the importance of staying connected as a family.