Every marriage is unique, and therefore each recipe for a happy marriage will differ slightly from other ones. Just like not everyone likes the same cake recipe or pizza toppings, it is unattainable to give one recipe for each and every marriage .
Some married couples like to be together 24/7. Others like to take time out to be with themselves. Some people may constantly say thank you to each other, even the slightest little gesture, while other couples may not be able to express such emotion due to fear or being uncomfortable. I believe though, that one of the major elements in EVERY flourishing marriage, is the act of forgiveness. Just like a pencil has an eraser on top to rub out mistakes, all people make mistakes. No one is flawless and it is not fair for anyone to hope as much. If you never learn how to forgive, you will never be happy with your spouse.
It can be really hard to forgive someone is when they do not truly regret the thing that they have done.
In this article, I will you will learn a basic technique you can use to help your partner give up their pride and be sincerely apologetic so that you can work on restoring your marriage to your previous happy state.
1. Before you start discussing the matter with your spouse, work out in your mind what it is that really bothers you about your husband or wife's behavior. Do you know what inner thoughts you are experiencing? For example, if your husband forgot your anniversary, is it the fact that you did not get any flowers to put on your dining room table that is troubling you, or that you feel unappreciated?
2. Once you understand what it is that is bothering you, tell your husband or wife as directly as you can. Make comments like "You said you would phone me when you werent' busy and you didn't." or "I was so looking forward to supper every day after work this week but it wasn't quite ready whenever I arrived home."
3. After you have said that and before they reply, continue explaining how this made you feel by saying something like "...and I couldn't help feeling not loved, that you really don't appreciate being married to me, or you care more about taking care of the kids than you do about helping me out." Explain how it made you feel insignificant or like a second class citizen, or even worthless, depending on the extent of the issue. It is Very important to begin by saying, "and I couldn't help to think or feel" a phrase which indicates that it is your interpretation of what happened and not a solid fact, just your assestment.
4. After you have fully explained how you feel, let them describe what happened and why they missed your important date, forgot to pick up your mother at the airport, or whatever happened. Listen very closely to what they have to say. If it sounds like they are truly regretful, then accept their apology and move on. If they sound like they are just looking to get out of the uncomfortable predicament, then don't be tricked into acepting their apology but try to talk about it with them and have an understanding of where they are coming from as not to dwell on things and build a grudge.
To forgive is one of the most essential ingredients for having a happy marriage . It is much less difficult to forgive your husband or wife if he or she shows regret. If you explain to them that you are not certain that they definitely meant for you to feel the way that you did and pay attention to their take of why they did and what they did, keeping an open mind, you will find it much easier for you to forgive them and this is an crucial way to keep your marriage a happy one.