You know how in romantic comedies, the leading man's best friend is sometimes a party animal who says, "Don't get married, dude!" Those guys exist, and they often have a a deep distrust of women or are simply immature.

I'm not that guy.  A marriage can be a beautiful thing.

But...sometimes a guy finds himself on the path to marriage, and a part of his brain is yelling at him, "This isn't what I want!"   Sometimes we get caught up in the expectations of our partner, our family (or hers), or society ("We've been dating for 2 years, so I guess I have to...").

A relationship is achoiceto build something.  If you're on the verge of proposing -- or you're already engaged --  and you have a sense that it's nottrulywhat you want...you may be settingbothof you up for a difficult life.

By the time you have the courage to pursue a life you want, you may have kids, financial obligations, and a whole list of reasons why you can't leave.

But if you're not married, you don't have those obligations.  You still have a choice.

Unfortunately, most of us have a talent for creating excuses for staying:

• "She'll go berserk if I leave."
• "I'm really close with her family."
• "She's already started planning the wedding."
• "I gave her my word (and a ring)."

Regarding the last point, yes, keeping promises is important, but fulfilling a promise of marriage is thewrongchoice if you're experiencing strong doubt.  If you made that promise in error, youmustlet her know sooner rather than later.

The bottom line is this: If you're having strong second thoughts (not just cold feet) about your engagement, or you never felt truly committed to the idea in the first place, you may be destined for:

1) A lifetime of disappointment

2) A difficult divorce

You need to make a decision now, and act on it, so you don't waste BOTH your lives.

Break up advice for men

Break up advice for women

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