Like most people, you probably have lots of "stuff" stored in your attic or garage. Boxes and crates of who knows what are living under the stairs and in the linen closet. The thing is, most of our marriages are a little like this, too; we've got old hurts and insults buried in our memory, waiting to be dusted off and used as a weapon. While trotting out good memories can be a beautiful, marriage-affirming activity, bringing out old hurts is not. Forgiveness in marriage shouldn't be one of those things gathering dust.

Forgiveness is as vital to a marriage as air. There's no way that two people can live together, share a life together, and not butt heads. Feelings WILL get hurt. Unkind things WILL be said. Without forgiveness, all of that is going to build up, cluttering under the staircases of our relationships, until it finally reaches the breaking point and spills yesterday out into today.

Decide that today will be the day that you start spring cleaning your marriage. Take out those old hurts and affronts, and make the conscious decision to forgive them. Forgiving them means that you won't bring them out ever again. You will banish them from your thoughts, by refusing to give them credence when they rear their heads again - and they will. After a time of deliberately kicking them out of your mind, they'll eventually take the hint and leave.

Forgiveness isn't just a blessing to your spouse, either; it's a blessing for you. By choosing to forgive, you reaffirm your commitment to your marriage and to your partner. You sweep old hurts out of your marriage's "space", leaving room to move forward and make new, good memories. You free yourself from the hurt of poking at that old wound, keeping it open and bleeding. By offering forgiveness to your partner, you give yourself permission to heal and move on.

Now, if your spouse's behavior is threatening, or if they're physically or mentally abusive, you don't need to put up with that. However, chances are they're not intentionally "annoying" you. Even if they are, even if they DID do whatever you're holding onto - is it really benefiting anyone, hanging onto the hurt? Air it out, then forgive it and let it go . Ultimately, you can't control someone else's behavior; you can only control your reaction to that behavior.