When you’ve been cheated on, your first question is “Why?” It’s the question that bounces around in your head long after the affair is over. No answer seems good enough.

Here are some common causes of infidelity. Which one of them fits your partner?

They feel pressured to keep up with the Joneses. Your partner might have been in a very bad situation, in which they were expected to do something they normally wouldn’t do. Peer pressure is a strong thing, no matter how old you are.

Your partner is angry with you. Maybe they are resentful of you for doing something they didn’t like, or they are unhappy with their life situation. Either way, they are taking it out on you by having an affair with someone else.

They are simply attracted to someone else and they want to act on it. Perhaps they thought you would never know, and what you don’t know won’t hurt you – right?

They feel trapped by their relationship and they want out. Or they want something on the side. Many people in a relationship will decide, at some point, they aren’t happy. But they don’t want to leave! They choose the solution that hurts the most in the long run, and they try to have the best of both worlds.

They want to fall in love again. For some people, that feeling of romance, and the rush of a new love, can be an addictive feeling. They want to recapture that feeling, and so they turn to someone new. A stranger, more than likely, someone they can get to know and eventually fall in love with.

They don’t feel desirable. They will reach out to someone else to make them feel that way. They think your desire for them is expected, even an obligation, because you are the one in the relationship with them. But if a total stranger wants them? Their ego, and their desirability, goes through the roof!

Your partner can’t stand being intimate with anyone. Intimacy doesn’t necessarily mean sex – it means an emotional connection. If your partner is afraid of intimacy, they might try to push you away by having sex with someone else.
It’s their way of putting an emotional wall between the two of you.

These are just the basic reasons someone has an affair – the actual reasons are many, and can vary wildly from one situation to another. Once you know the answer to the “Why” you can begin focusing on another question: Can this relationship be saved?