Why is commitment so important to make long-term relationships work? As a Kettering counsellor asking this question, I do so with the knowledge that present day society is full of broken relationships and marriages.

Some choose to separate from and then divorce their partners, eventually going on to start new relationships with the hope they can recover from the old ones. Is there then, any point in persevering and struggling on with a difficult relationship? Why not just give up on it - let it die - and then, at some time in the future, seek fulfillment and happiness somewhere else?

As someone who does couple counselling in Kettering, U.K. as a profession, I can see only too clearly the need for continuous commitment in a long term relationship. When this is not there, many relationships will founder during the normal rigours of life - never mind about when things really get hit by the storms of life.

There is an underlying stability and security in the permanent lifestyle produced when partners and spouses give a commitment to each other. It enhances the relationship and strengthens it with the 'glue' of permanence. By staying together the two halves continue to make one whole - rather than the torn remainders of two separate pieces.

A 'can do' mentality arises when partners know that, whatever happens, their other half in the relationship has 'stickability' to handle the inevitable problems that will arise. That each knows their is commitment on both sides to make it work will inevitably produce strength, resiliance and perseverance.

This mentality of perseverance - that things will continue despite setbacks - means that the failure or success of the relationship is not dependant upon any one individual's rollercoaster emotions. Both partners know that they are committed long term to the other partner regardless of how their emotions may be at any one point of time.

This long-term, stable, continuous commitment to a relationship is an excellent role-model for children who can see at first hand the benefits to be gained. Family ideas and ethos' are often 'caught' rather than 'taught' and this is particularly true in the parenting of families. Long-term commitment to a partner carries a seriously good message to the children of that relationship.

And commitment will protect children from the emotional damage that comes with the breakdown of marriages and partnerships. The rejection, guilt, anger, forlorness, etc. that comes on the children because of the breakdown in the adult relationship will not materialise. Instead, as mentioned earlier, they will see perseverance and steadfastness role-modelled and faithfulness maintained.

The children's self-images will also be enhanced - sub-consciously or consciously - as parents stay together. The thinking here is that, "I am worthy enough that they will stay together for me," as opposed to, "The significant adults that look after me don't think I am worthy enough to make the effort to stay together."

Worse still, children can often think when an adult break-up comes, that they are to be blamed - that they are the cause of the breakdown in relationship. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant. The effect - and consequential damage - of a thought process that says, "I am the cause of the break-up,"is very detrimental to the long-term emotional health of a child.

And for the adults too there is a very positive effect on self-image that comes when one knows that the other partner is committed to them. The sense that, "I am worthy enough to be committed to/stayed with," bolsters that individual's self-image with a 'knock-on' effect into the relationship as a whole. It boosts the long-term love, security and acceptance of one partner for another.

The opposite can happen when isolation, withdrawal and rejection have a damaging effect on the self-images of those who go through separation and divorce. That the relationship has failed means that the two participants feel they have 'failed' too and hence are 'failures'.

Commitment within a marriage or relationship will also protect from the dangers potentially within successive casual relationships that can come from casual sex and promiscuity. For example, unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, broken hearts, etc. These are very real problems that affect and damage many.

Lives, whether individual or in families, will undoubtedly be enhanced when people choose commitment to their partners - through thick and thin. Relationships wiil fail - for different reasons - and we cannot deny this. But proper commitment to a relationship will hold many couples together in the trials that life brings.

The positive effect of commitment will always bring greater cohesion to families rather than fragmentation. This will no doubt add to broader social cohesion rather than social fragmentation for society generally. Let us all get behind commitment as a lifestyle choice.