If you ask a lot of divorced individuals why their marriage failed a lot of them will tell you that it was all rooted in sex, or lack thereof. While sex is important and can be a contributing factor, sex is usually not the only thing that went wrong.

In fact, in most cases a lack of sex is usually just a symptom for what may really be wrong in your marriage. Sometimes just taking a closer look at your relationship and the issues at hand will reveal the real problems, allowing you to get to work and restore your sex life to what you know it could be.

When the sex in your marriage is not meeting your standards or expectations the first thing you should do is think about what you want. A lot of us do not feel satisfied but we cannot put our dissatisfaction into words. Are you not happy with the frequency, the quality, or the intimacy between the two of you? Figuring out what is making you unhappy is the first step. Once you have done this, the real work begins.

You need to try to talk to your spouse about your unhappiness associated with your sex life. You need to make sure that you do this in the most non confrontational way possible. You shouldn't make it seem like it is all their fault, rather you should go to them and tell them that you are concerned and you miss the way things used to be or that you want to feel closer to them sexually.

Try to create a plan that will make you both happy. When you talk to your spouse you need to be prepared for the fact that they are happy with the way things are or that they don't want the same things that you do. You need to be willing to compromise if you don't see eye to eye. A good marriage is all about compromise and this may even include compromises about the type of sex or the frequency of sex in your relationship.

If you cannot agree or come to a compromise about sex, look at what may be causing the problems. There may be underlying trust issues that are keeping the two of you from coming together physically and you need to deal with these things. If things still aren't working, you need to consider what you are willing to do.

Are you going to continue working on the relationship? When do you decide that you need more than your spouse is willing to give you? Remember that marriage is all about compromise, so be willing to compromise if your spouse has reasonable requests in the sex department.