Some stories stick. Like the one I heard from Jean, a missionary to the underground church in a nasty part of the world. At a conference on spiritual formation, she told me that a national pastor, imprisoned and beaten daily for the crime of preaching the gospel, had requested his American friends to not pressure the government to release him. “Perhaps God wants me here for good purposes I can’t yet see. Please, take no legal action. Only pray that God’s will be done.”  I was speaking at the conference. Sometimes I wonder if I have even a clue what it means to be like Jesus.

That story got to me. Put me in a dungeon because I spiritually directed a few people and I would beg everyone I know (especially those in high places) to flood the White House with letters demanding action.  As I reflected on that pastor’s attitude, I realized something. Until I see the enormous gap between how Jesus thought about things and how I approach life, the story of my spiritual journey will read like a bad joke.  Think about it. I suspect even Mother Theresa changed far more into the likeness of Christ the moment she died than she had through all her years of profoundly sacrificial living.

To become like Jesus is a monumental undertaking. One look at where we are and where Jesus was for 33 years should humble us, and replace any spirit of entitlement with a face-down celebration of grace. But I prefer to live in a gap defined by two different end points. Where am I right now? I often see myself as more wounded than wicked, more deserving of better things than on my knees begging for mercy.  Where am I heading? I am heading toward greater fulfillment, less emptiness, happier relationships, and a deepened sense of meaning. So I think of the path from here to there as more about healing than repentance.

Too often I see it more about receiving blessings from God so I can feel a certain way than becoming increasingly like Jesus so I can live a certain way, even when I suffer.  When I define the gap as the distance between what I don’t yet have and what I want, then I see the spiritual journey as cooperating with God to narrow that gap.

I might use spiritual phrases—longing for an experience of God, wanting to flow in the Spirit’s rhythm, waking up to the presence of God‚but my real ambition is my satisfaction, the fulfillment of my desires. The goal of becoming like Jesus gets nudged aside, which leaves me chasing after only a counterfeit experience of God. Living in the wrong gap opens me up to demonic deception (the angel of light is only too willing to guide me toward satisfying experiences) and inch-deep spirituality (Jesus in the service of my self).

The gap we are called to live in exists between my unholiness, constantly explored, and Christ’s holiness, increasingly recognized and wanted. I want to see the differences between Jesus and me so starkly that my heart’s desire is, “Make me like Him,” and my heart’s cry is, “Lord Jesus, have mercy.”Take help from telephone psychologist .

The journey from where I am to where the Spirit is taking me will make me more aware of words like brokenness, repentance, and surrender than of the more popular words in our spiritual culture, ones like wounds, healing, and satisfaction. The second group of words begins to mean something wonderful only after we become familiar with the first group. A good place to learn the proper vocabulary is prison, if not one with literal bars, then the more suffocating prison of self. May God give us eyes to see and the hunger to escape from the prisons of our own self-satisfaction. Larry Crabb, Ph.D., well known author, speaker, and psychologist, asks hard questions and seeks to understand the path to true wholeness. His book, Shattered Dreams, launched New Way Ministries, through which he offers training in Spiritual Direction and explores the mystery of Spiritual Formation. He is pleased to serve as Spiritual Director of AACC.