Bipolar Disorder, as most of you may well know by now, is also called Manic Depression, the old term used for this mood disorder.  Manic Depression was aptly used since the two key extremes of Bipolar Disorder are extreme highs and lows, or a manic, hysterical state alternating with severe depression.  Often people who have Bipolar Disorder swing between these moods with little provocation.  It doesn't take much to "set someone off" when they suffer from this illness.

My understanding of early onset Bipolar is that the illness can begin to manifest itself during childhood.  Although a person who suffers from Bipolar Disorder is born with it (an inherited condition) some people unfortunately begin to experience the disadvantages of Bipolar Disorder at a much earlier age than the average sufferer.  Other people have early onset during their teen years.  Personally I think it must be very difficult to determine whether or not a child or a teenager is indeed expressing symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.

Consider a young child's behaviour during different stages of development.  We expect tantrums, sulking and stubborness as part and parcel of a child's behaviour.  When does this behaviour become abnormal and when is it acceptable?  The same must certainly be true for a teenager.  How many teenagers exist who do not express mood swings, sulkiness and unexpected personality changes from time to time?  Most people probably chalk it up to hormones and think nothing more of it.  How it is that anyone has enough insight to bring a child or a teenager to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis is beyond me.

There are obvious symptoms associated with Bipolar Disorder, if you happen to be an expert.  Some of these include the following:

hysteria
depression
easily distracted
temper outbursts
explosive rage
extremely uplifted mood
euphoria
hallucinations - audio and visual
restlessness
lack of sleep
fatigue
self-delusions
paranoia
rapid speech
clang associations (the use of words based strictly on their sounds without logical connections)

There are many others.  The list is almost endless but that doesn't necessarily mean that Bipolar Disorder is an easily recognizable disorder.  I remember expressing very obvious symptoms as far back as my early 20's but I was not diagnosed until much later.  Some of the bizarre things I did were:

talking to myself endlessly
walking about the house staring into space
insomnia
sleeping for 14 hours at a time
constant daydreaming
explosive temper
morbid depression
morbid curiosity about death, the afterlife etc
extreme remorse
guilt
paranoia
suicidal thoughts
sense of failure
anxiety - nausea

I was fortunate enough that I never did hallucinate.  I didn't try to hurt myself or anyone else although I would definitely say that my depression held me captive for hours and days at a time.  There were mornings when I could barely drag myself out of bed and I didn't understand why. I also awoke feeling sick in my stomach, waiting for something terrible to happen or simply thinking "oh God not another day".

I truly believe that the earliest seeds of my symptoms began in my childhood.  I was so extremely sensitive and moody it is almost impossible to believe that my family didn't realize something was terribly wrong.  I can still remember many drives home in the family car after what should have been a pleasant outing with my face turned toward the window so no one could see me as tears streamed down my face.  I worked hard to squelch any sobs so that no one knew.  It seemed that there was little reason why I went through life that way. I felt picked on and unloved but that was simply not true.  At times every child is taunted and teased but I certainly wasn't tormented anymore than the average kid, of that I am certain.  I was extremely sensitive, prone to crying fits and sometimes extreme anger.  In hindsight I would have to say that I probably had some symptoms of my Bipolar but it was very difficult for anyone to realize it.

And why shouldn't it be?  Unless you are an expert in the field of psychology/psychiatry it is very difficult to know when a person has a mental illness or a personality disorder.  Most of the time people just thought I was being "too sensitive" or "too stubborn" or "moody".  And they were right!  But not for the reasons we all thought at the time, which was just "Lisa being Lisa".

I don't blame anyone for my tardy diagnosis.  I felt loved, supported and vindicated during my early years and certainly after the diagnosis was finally made.  No one condemned my dreadfully odd behaviours and I don't condemn my family for not realizing that my altered moods were not just a "quirk" but symptoms of a serious disorder I would have to shoulder for the rest of my life.

On a happier note, there is hope and there is a great deal of support in the community.  It's taken years but with medical therapy and counselling I am a fully functioning and well-adjusted person again, like anyone else who does not have a mental illness. The only benefit I would say I missed would have been the early diagnosis so that my life would have been on track a lot sooner than it was, but as they say, better late than never. And I am living proof of that.