Noone plans for a split, it just happens.  Sometimes you can see it coming, sometimes, it's like a wreck out of the wide open blue.  The moment the break-up is imminent, the turmoil begins, so be prepared for the gossip, the financial stress, the attourney time killing schemes, and the emotions that go hand in hand with the process itself.

Before you think noone will whisper about your romantic woes, since divorce is so prevalent, consider the fact that humans can be curious creatures, by nature- which can be compounded by the shock of love bird blunder.  If they're not surprised, they will be intrigued, if your ex decides to share some of the heartache.  Some spouses feel the need to encourage friends to choose sides.  Although there is no integrity in taking sides, people can be encouraged to do so, by an embittered ex.  Some friends, as well as neighbors, and anyone competing for the affections of the newly dispersed "singles", may decide to advertise the unfortunate details.  This can happen even when a couple only dated and never even bothered to tie the knot.

For example, I have an ex who was a private investigator, in the north.  Because of his inability to let me go, he embarked on contacting anyone he found in my old address books, and humiliating me with stories of infidelity.  If that didn't work, he'd broadcast intimate information, about how I reacted to personal issues, that were hurtful, never mentioning imperitive details, such as what x10.com or in person situations sparked my negative behavior .  In order to stay involved with me, and obtain inside information on whatever I was doing, he'd make up any lie that he could come up with: everything from a rich man was seeking to find out if I was loyal, to I was being investigated for a position with the CIA, robbed a banker in broad daylight, and even more wild fabrications that we were still together, offering others to aid in ongoing drug and child abuse allegations, when I was the one who had helped to investigate such situations in the past.  The best thing to do is to disclose the facts to those who are the closest to you, even if you like to keep your business private, since "angry ex's", turned stalkers do not always respect issues of privacy.  Gossip won't always be obvious.  It's like having gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe.  You don't even notice it, but the germs are coexisting within your space.  It can affect the way people treat you on the job, at church, and even once you begin dating again.  I was getting into altercations with people who didn't have a thing to do with my divorce, but who had somehow gotton involved with the inner workings of my life.While it can be flattering that some people will go out of the way, "to make you a better person", it can be insulting when they are dead wrong to make the decisions that they do, all inspired by half of a story.

During the first phase of my divorce, there was a time period that went by where my soon to be ex husband played mind games.  During the next phase, we were able to be civil toward one another, even though there were instigators present who gave us bad advice and offered tactical measures to influence the other or cause unnecessary pain for one another.  Lawyers and investigators took primary roles in the caoss.

Financial stress and lawyer tricks of the trade can go hand in hand.  There is no such thing as healthy fighting within the ring of divorce.  All blows can take a mental and physical toll on the people going through the divorce itself.  Lawyers have been known to drag out the entire divorce procedure as long as possible, therefore, agreeing as peacefully as possible will take some of the stress out of the process.  If parties are ranting back and forth, a divorce can take years.  If you can cut down on the arguing, you will be able to speed up the process by which you can begin funtioning, to your best financial capacity.  A new life presents the opportunity and time necessary to rebuild and follow new ideas, toward attaining autonomous finances and expanding various interests.  Divorce can break your spirit, and make you break down when you least expect it, or it can enhance your right to make decisions that will leave you more contented and show you the need for a sense of humor in times of challenge.