Everybody wants to be liked....even those who are dysfunctional.  Granted,  they have a very twisted way of trying to make friends  and getting liked....but sooner or later...even dysfunctional people find friends,  however shallow they may be.Everyone likes being liked . Why? Because its better to be liked than not liked.

Woody Allen once said, "I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib."

It might seem surprising when you meet people.  but everyone including the dysfunctional people  have  the same concerns, fears and worries. Some people just hide those concerns easier than others. Even though some people are more confident than others and some are better at mingling and making a good impression, there is still a deep desire to "be liked".  Whether you are psychologically  screwed up or not.

Everyone wants to "fit in" some where. Some people go along all their lives wondering how to fit in with others; where they fit in or feeling that they can't find a way to fit in.  We all want an opportunity to have our voice heard...whether positive or negative.   Because this is true for everyone, you will never know how to be a good friend to others unless you LIKE yourself first and foremost.  After all, if YOU don't LIKE you...who else will ??

So how do you get people to "like" you?  First it is up to you to decide how you are going to  find things to like about a person  you are talking to for the first time.  It is up to each individual to decide what positive things we will focus on about the person we have met for the first time.   How  you feel about someone you have met,  and what you genuinely find  interesting  about the person,  will determine whether or not YOU will be liked.

People pick up on  positive as well as negative attitudes.  If you are open and receptive to new people and you are not judgemental,  you will find how easily the conversation will  flow.  You will also find that the energy between the two of you is enjoyable and you may even find some mutual common ground. In order to be liked,  you have to let people get to know the real YOU.   Not the fake you.  Not the person you sometimes pretend to be.

Now what happens if you meet someone, talk to them and suddenly become aware that you  don`t like who you are talking to?   Perhaps the energy feedback you are getting isn't working for you.   This type of interaction becomes more challenging,   but if you'd like to give the person a chance,  then  the same principle still applies –  Try to find more positive things that you like about the person you are talking to.

Even if those things are very small,  it can take the edge off of  the negative energy feedback that you may be feeling.  Try listening more than talking.  Everyone wants to be heard.  There's nothing better than a great listener.   Don't be over-bearing.  Many people want to take "charge" of a conversation.  They want to be in control of a topic or subject.  Changing your outlook  on life can make a huge difference in how people perceive you.

There are three sides to every argument: your side,  my side and the right side.

Do you know why men don't argue with women ?  Have you ever tried ?  Men are smart.  They know they can not win an argument with a woman.  Many of the defining characteristics needed for effective communication are the following:  having a vision, integrity, commitment and resilience.

There is no need to be right or wrong.   The best way of becoming an unlikeable person is to prove yourself as being dishonest and not having integrity.   No one likes a dishonest person.   When talking to people you do not know personally,  the worst thing you can do is to start your conversation out by insulting someone or gossiping about someone.   You can make friends faster and easier by being  crystal clear about the signals you are sending out.   Someone who demonstrates their positive passion for their goals,  is a likable person.
Someone who is enthusiastic about life,  is a likable person.  Parading around like some doomsayer doesn't attract friends.   Being open and honest with others makes for a very likable person.  After all,  revealing one's  humanity  is essential for establishing trust.   We are all vulnerable.  We all have worries.  We all have fears.  We all have issues.  But we do not want to be bombarded with negativity.  Save that for your mirror.

Nervous, dysfunctional people are never able to find a focal point that attacts friends.  This further increases  anxiety in people the dysfunctional person is trying to befriend  because the brain has too much information to process.

Think before you speak

There is nothing worse than listening to someone ranting on and on and on about their personal failures, woes, troubles or negative beliefs.  They don't really know you.  They don't care.  They were merely making small talk.  Don't burden new found friends with your issues.  Don't turn your new friends into your therapist.  That's what your therapist gets paid $200 an hour for.

.Stop Talking and Listen

True, we all want to be heard.  But you can learn entirely more if you shut up and listen.  You might just find out something about yourself in the process.   Think of your conversation as a tennis match.  Each  person gets to take a turn at serving and receiving... speaking and listening. When it's your turn to listen,  do just that.  There doesn't always have to be a point of view to make.  No one has to be right or wrong.  When you actively listen,   it shows the other person that you value what they have to say.  Now, that's a likable person.

Be Mindful of Your Volume and Tone

When talking to someone,  laughing at inappropriate times or making comments that are inappropriate can turn people off.  Pay attention to the tone of the conversation and don't become louder than the person you are speaking with.  This causes the other person to feel you are trying to take control of the conversation.  There is no need to control a simple, friendly conversation.  Let it become whatever it becomes,  naturally.
If a conversation begins to turn into an argument,  make a conscious effort of  lower your voice; often the other person will, too.

More Power to You


You don't have to live your life as a dysfunctional human being.  Effective communication and success goes  hand in hand.  The more effectively you communicate your ideas, the more successful you become.  The more positive your energy,  the easier it will be to attact and make friends.  You will become a likable person.    Practice these communication tips and apply them every day. Pretty soon,  it won't be long before you have more friends than you know what to do with.