In the dictionary, transference is defined as:"the shift of emotions, esp. those experienced in childhood, from one person or object to another, esp. the transfer of feelings about a parent to an analyst"(dictionary.com). It is easy to see why transference would be a common and expected part of the therapeutic process (Yes, very common and almost always expected. You are not alone in this). Psychotherapy digs deep into one's childhood; thus, bringing up specific feelings that one may feel toward his or her parents that could easily be projected ortransferredonto the therapist. What the client is actually feeling is an attachment to everything that the therapist represents. Many people view their therapist as being the only one in the world who understands them and who gives them the unconditional positive regard, nurture, encouragement, and understanding that they need. Many of which, have not received that type of unconditional positive regard, nurture, encouragement, and understanding from their parents--do you see the link here?

Transference can be a few different things, positive, negative, and erotic. Positive transference is what I'm mainly addressing here--mainly that overwhelming feeling of 'love.' Negative transference occurs when there is a shift in negative emotions from the client onto the therapist. Perhaps the therapist reminds them of their mother; thus, provoking negative emotions from the client, etc--these emotions can go as far as feelings of 'hatred.' Erotic transference is something that I am not that familiar with, but it is when the client has sexual fantasies about his or her therapist. I tried to gather as much information on erotic transference as I could, but that topic seems to be a little more difficult. From what I have gathered, it is my guess that erotic transference occurs in people who were severely neglected by their fathers or have had troubled relationships with either their mother or father. It has also been suggested that erotic transference is a sort of reflection as to how the client feels about him or herself--I will bring up erotic transference again later, in a different context that may help you get a clearer understanding.

Despite the different types of transference, it is really how the client deals with those emotions that brings about real change and healing. To put in short, transference is the feeling of "love" that a client may feel for his or her therapist, and can sometimes be very overwhelming. In all reality, these feelings of "love" are actually "desires," for example, saying things like; "I want to get to know my therapist better," and "I want to be friends with my therapist," are all desires caused by the client's need to feel "special" to the closest thing that represents a paternal, guiding, or authoritative figure in their lives.

When issues with transference arise, the client automatically thinks,"what's wrong with me?" "Why do I feel this way?"Well, as I've said before, don't worry! These feelings are normal and any competent psychotherapist will know how to handle it.

Let's face it, the therapy setting is a very personal and intimate setting for anyone and the relationship between client and therapist, for most people, is one of the most intimate (By intimate, I mean emotionally and psychologically intimate, never physically) relationships they will ever have. Some people spend more then one day a week in the room with their therapist, while others spend one day a week in the room with their therapist. What is more important here is that the analyst, your therapist, is there, and although he or she is being paid for their services, he or she is there to talk, support, guide, and help you through whatever it is that you need help with. They always understand and provide validation for your feelings and offer compassionate and empathetic support. Why wouldn't you feel feelings of love or admiration for someone who is therejust for you? Just tolisten to you? That isall about you? For a lot of people, therapists become the symbol of nurture, care, and love that they were deprived of during their childhood—is it no wonder that they feel "love" for their therapist? Sometimes, transference can go beyond simple feelings of "love" and turn into "erotic transference" where the client feels more of a sexual attraction to their therapist. Erotic transference still roots back to the client's childhood; however, it reveals the client's need or wants to be ‘desired' or ‘wanted,' and can reveal deeper feelings that the client has toward his or her self.

One of the biggest concerns that has been brought to my attention concerning transference is (for example) a straight woman who feels transference (or strong feelings of love) for her female therapist. A lot of people begin to panic and worry thinking:"does this mean I'm gay?"Well, if you are a straight woman, don't worry so much, it does not mean that you are gay. (Not that there is anything wrong with being gay!). In the therapy setting, it does not matter on gender or sex orientation/preference, because the "intimacy" between the therapist and client is what is causing the transference to happen. It really has nothing to do with the therapist being male or female nor with what the therapist looks like, but with the client's childhood experiences concerning love, nurture, care, affection, closeness, etc. I have heard;"I am a straight woman and have developed feelings for my therapist, but I am afraid to tell her because I don't know how she will feel about it."Well, this shows a lot about your past, and your fears about being rejected, abandoned, etc; however, allow me to put your mind to rest: When a therapist is going to school to become a psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor (whatever branch of psychology they are), they study transference—vigorously, and are trained in how to deal with it if and when it occurs. In addition, most psychotherapists almost always expect it to occur—it actually shows that the client is making progress and is an important part of the therapeutic process.

Another thing I have learned is that transference feelings are often misplaced, meaning that the feeling of "love" the patient is feeling for his or her therapist, is actually feelings that he or she should be feeling for someone else, but are unable to express. For example, lets say that you are in a relationship, but you are unable to get close to the person you are with. You know that you care about him or her, but you are not able to say you 'love' them (But you feel that you do, but are unable to recognize what 'love' is). Then, here comes your therapist who, after a week or a few weeks, you feel you absolutely love--well, this theory (I cannot remember the name) suggests that those feelings of love that you are feeling for your therapist actually belong to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or partner, but for whatever reason, you were not able to open yourself up to them, but because it is the therapist's objective to create trust, safety, and attachment with you, then it is easier for you to transfer those feelings onto the therapist. Basically, this theory suggests that transference is a positive sign because it shows that you are able to love and care for others, even if you can't show or admit it to them, and now that those feelings have been recognized in the therapeutic setting, both you and your therapist can work together to find the root of both the transference and the root to the blockage as to why you cannot allow yourself to love others the way you love your therapist. Interesting isn't it? The boyfriend or girlfriend scenario is only an example; it can work for other family members, friends, parents, etc--it can basically work for anyone.

I am only a student studying psychology with plans to become a psychotherapist; however, I am not talking from a clinical point of view, I am talking as a patient dealing with transference. Because of my own feelings toward my therapist, I did extensive research on the topic, read many different articles, psychology books, and even other people's experiences, and they all basically said the same thing: "Transference is a normal, healthy part of the therapeutic process that reveals a lot about one's childhood experiences and should be discussed with the analyst no matter gender or sexual orientation/preference." No, I did not actually quote that from somewhere, but it is the answer, in short, that I have come up with by reading the thousands of articles and books I have read.

If transference is not dealt with within the therapeutic setting, then it can be a hindrance to the therapeutic process—this is something that I definitely had to learn by experiencing it. Keeping the feelings of transference that you feel for your therapist locked inside can make it extremely hard for you to open up to your therapist. How? Simple, because you have such strong feelings for this person, you are obviously going to care what he or she thinks of you; therefore, you will begin to hold things back out of:fear.

If you are dealing with transference or feelings for your therapist, the best thing you can do is talk to your therapist about them so that you and your therapist can work together to discover the root of this transference. Once that is finished, you can begin the healing process and be well on your way to truly loving and accepting others as well as yourself. I know how hard it can be to tell someone you have feelings for them and it will definitely take a lot of bravery on your part, but if your therapist is competent and abides by his or her moral and ethical obligations, then it will be the best thing you ever did because you will feel so much better. Trust me. I know.

I have also learned that you cannot truly move forward in therapy until your feelings of transference are dealt with. I know this because of my own experience. I tried for a looonnnng time to ignore my feelings, and sometimes, it would be okay. I was able to go to my sessions every week and talk to my therapist about my past, dreams, current situations, relationships, etc; however, the topic of transference always lingered in my mind and I was constantly trying to push the feelings that I felt for her to the back of my mind. It was truly becoming a hassle. Sooner or later, I couldn't take them anymore and had to tell her how I felt. I am so glad that I did for it helped me tremendously and she was extremely receptive and understanding! You will feel as though an entire weight has been lifted and if you are seeing a competent therapist, he or she will be able to help you sift through your emotions so that you will have a more honest  perspective on the situation. (Keep in mind that not all therapists are trained enough in the area of transference and may not know how to deal with it, but for the most part, most therapist's should be as my therapist was; unbiased, non-judgmental, and caring toward your feelings. If your therapist says he or she cannot treat you because of the transference, do not feel rejected or abandoned, but keep in the back of your mind that it is not you, it's just that the therapist does not know how to deal with transference and is trying to act in your best interest).

I know how scary it is to talk to your therapist about the feelings that you have. It is very embarrassing and fear is a common emotion associated with this topic. My biggest fear was that if I told her, she would feel so uncomfortable with it because I am another woman, that she would no longer want to treat me. I couldn't imagine it! The mere idea of it made me feel abandoned. I was completely afraid of her reaction, but I am grateful that she was more then understanding and kind toward the situation. Most competent therapists have had some type of training with transference and will know how to handle it with compassion. It is likely, that if your therapist has been in practice for over 10 years, that he or she has dealt with issues of transference before.

Update:

I realized that I have forgotten to mention a few things; first, if the analyst feels feelings of love toward his or her patient, that is referred to as "counter transference," and in most cases, needs to be dealt with immediately. The analyst may or may not tell the client about how he or she is feeling, but at any rate, it can be a hindrance to the therapy and the client's mental health if not dealt with properly. The analyst may seek counsel from another analyst, or terminate the therapy with the client in question.Under no circumstances should the analyst ever express his or her feelings to the client in hopes that something more then a client/therapist relationship would develop.

The ethics a therapist must follow are strict, and do not include romantic/friendship interactions between client and therapist. If the therapist does happen to break his or her ethics and pursues a romantic relationship/friendship with a client, then he or she should be reported to the ethics committee, licensing organization, or better business bureau to receive disciplinary action. Some people tend to think the ethics are too strict, but they fail to see it from a moral perspective: A client is extremely vulnerable to their therapist both mentally and emotionally; therefore, if the therapist were to pursue anything more then a client-therapist relationship, he or she is taking advantage of a client's vulnerable state as well as abusing their position and should be placed under review and/or investigation to determine whether or not the particular therapist should be allowed to continue their practice.

If you are a therapist dealing with counter-transference, then you really have to evaluate the situation--determine how deep your feelings are, and whether or not they will be a hindrance to your performance with the client. Are your feelings getting in the way of you, as a therapist, being able to help the client? Are you becoming biased and too involved in their lives and feelings? If so, then it is up to you to decide on whether you can actually do any good for the client in that state. You will have to decide whether or not to keep them as a client or refer them to another therapist. Make sure they know that it is for their health and let them know that the reason you cannot continue to treat them is because your objectivity has been compromised, and that they have not done anything wrong. As a therapist, you are ethically bound to do what is best for the client--not what is best for you. Remember a therapist takes a moral and ethical vow to:"To do no harm."

**It is ethical for an analyst to seek help or guidance from another mental health professional to overcome his or her counter-transference. If the analyst is able to overcome his or her counter-transference, then it may be safe for them to keep the particular individual as a client; however, they would have to carefully assess their interactions and their feelings to make sure that there isn't a "relapse" or that their objectivity has not been compromised too much to regain the same level of professionalism that was once held.

Although I only used a woman in my scenario about transference occurring with a therapist of the same sex, it goes for both men and women.

(Perhaps I'll write an article that  goes into detail about my transference experience, what do you all think? If you think I should write an article that explains in more detail about my transference experience and how I dealt with it, leave me a comment and tell me or e-mail me at JOV.ANKA505@gmail.com).(Make sure to check your spam folder for my replies. For some reason my e-mails are being sent to spam folders--especially on yahoo mail).Do NOT hesitate to e-mail me if you have any questions or concerns pertaining to transference or therapy in general. I am more then glad to speak with you all! Also, I will keep all that is said between you and I confidential.

**Extra Note: Keep in mind that because transference is such a broad and complex issue, there is always new information and discoveries; therefore, I may update my article on many occasions to share the new things I have learned concerning transference. So, if my article is ever shown as "not available" or to "not exist," it is due to the fact that my article is in review because I have updated it--always check back later, because this article will always be here!

UPDATE AND A PERSONAL STORY. 7/3/2010:

This entire article has been focused on 'positive transference,' but I have an update that is rather interesting and can be used as an example as to how transference is supposed to work. This is not a positive transference (feelings of love) experience, but a negative transference experience (feelings of anger). Above, I talk about my positive transference experience with my therapist, but recently, I have encountered a negative transference experience with the same therapist. Let me see if I will be able to tell this correctly: A week ago, I had a session with my therapist, but during this session, I refused to talk. I'm not sure why, but she had to pry things out of me--it's never usually like that. Anyway, because I refused to talk, we only talked about two topics: School and my dad. After I left the session, I felt worse then when I first went in. Once I got into my car, I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to apologize to my therapist. Shrugging it off, I drove off and started driving down the street; however, the feeling that I needed to apologized lingered with me.

Once I was half-way home, I started to feel angry and realized that my anger was targeted at my therapist. I knew in my mind and heart that I had absolutely no reason to be angry with her. The fact that my therapist had not done anything wrong caused me to think a little deeper and I put two-and-two together to realize that I felt as though I needed to apologize to my therapist because I was angry with her for no reason. Now that I pieced together that part of the puzzle, I had to figure out why I was angry, and since it was directed at her, but not because of her, I knew there had to be another reason. I started to think about what we talked about during my session and realized that my anger was not for my therapist, but for my father. This was the first time I had ever realized that I was angry with my father (he is an absent and horrible father/person). Coming to this realization made me think of how angry I was with my mother for most of my life andI came to the very important conclusion that I was never angry with my mother, but always my father.

Do you see why I decided to share this experience? That entire realization started with a feeling of 'anger' toward my therapist. The anger was a misplaced feeling that I transferred onto my therapist, but wasreallymeant for my father. Transference is meant to work this way. It helps you to figure out the "core" issues of what is going on inside of you, and can sometimes lead to one of the most amazing discoveries! This discovery has made it easier for me to accept my mother and has helped me to stop being so angry with her. Overall, it has been an amazing experience.

If you have a transference experience, feel free to share it!