Want something to do in the evenings when you’re bored or lonely?  What if you could gather a group of your friends to your home after dinner once a week to have a fun friends’ study group?  No special training required for a fun friend’s study group, only a favorite book of your choosing that is therapist recommended. Be sure you feel safe belonging to a group of this kind.  If not, decide to seek professional help. The following are fun friends’ study group suggestions.

1. The Dance of AngerBy Harriot Lerner
2. Boundariesby Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
3. Co Dependent No Moreby Melanie Beatty
4. Emotional Blackmailby Susan Forward, Ph.D.
5. The Artist’s Wayby Julia Cameron

The fun friends’ study group guidelines that follow can help you set the tone.   A main purpose for a group like this is to have fun and share your learning experiences.  There doesn’t have to be a leader when you safely set up a reading and sharing group experience.  It’s been researched that when women get together as in a group, something chemically changes in their bodies that causes them to feel really good.  How about that for fun?

1.       Want to learn to speak up and be in control?

2.       Want to basically feel good about yourself and not be such a pleaser?

3.       Nothing to do after work and dinner?

4.        Boyfriend problems or split?

5.       Divorced and wanting to share?

What would be these fun friends’ study group guidelines?

1.       Have a focus with the choice of book and clarify your goals.

2.       Choose members that are stable enough to handle the confrontation and the fun.

3.       Pay attention to feelings.   Ask, “What are you feeling?”

4.       Decide to learn to be flexible

5.       Decide to be greedy in your sharing without monopolizing time

6.    Level by openly responding when confronted and express your feelings.  For example, “I feel frustrated when I hear your comment.”

7.    Don’t expect to be understood by the fun friends’ study group.  Make it enough for you to be heard.

8.    Avoid advising, interpreting, and questioning; instead decide to share your feelings and your own experiences.  Tell your personal stories.

9.    Let the gossip go (gossip is a form of anger) and maintain a total confidential commitment within the fun friends’ study group.

10.  Let go of band-aid help.   By rushing in to help or be supportive or comforting someone expressing a painful experience, you disrespect their ability to fully express what they have to say.  People grow by living through their pain.

11.  Give feedback using “I messages”.  If something touches you let them know your reactions whether positive or negative.  For example, “I feel so connected to you when I hear your experience.”  Be willing to be honest and level, which enhances the level of trust within your fun friends’ study group.

12.  Be willing to discover your defenses.

The purpose of fun friends’ study group is to discover your feelings and toidentify defenses that prevent honest expression of feelings.  While change is a goal, look at the group as a tool to help you to discover yourself at a deeper level.  Look at the fun friends’ study group as a place to try out experiential techniques or use new tools that can help you cope and even enjoy your life and your relationships more.   Keep the fun friends’ study group light and have fun.