Occasionally on my continuing journey into greater self awareness I come upon a little ‘nugget’ of an experience that while small on the surface hints at a much larger idea if pursued deeper.  My latest ‘nugget’ occurred in a place no more mundane than my gym’s sauna where I was able to ‘pick out’ those fellow gym members who were more self absorbed and narcissistic and compare them to others who were on the other extreme of courteous and empathic. It might seem unclear how this is possible, so i’ll explain.

Each day my routine involves an hour in the gym followed by twenty minutes sitting in the sauna.  As I go to the gym at the same time each day I quite often come across many of the same people both in the gym and similarly using the sauna.  Now the Sauna door at my gym is notoriously finicky and everyone that uses it knows that after it is opened it must be pulled or pushed shut otherwise the door sits slightly ajar letting all the hot air out.

It is a source of some contention to those that regularly use the sauna when someone leaves and does not close the door securely behind them.  It then requires someone that sitting in the sauna to get up, walk across and pull the door tightly shut.  Over the months it is a sort of ritual when someone ‘new’ uses the sauna that disgruntled regular sauna users ‘educate’ new users as to the necessity of this door closing ritual.

A couple of weeks ago an argument disrupted the normally placid sauna environment and it didn’t surprise me that the source of the argument had to do with the sauna door.  It seems a ‘regular’ at the gym, who has been ‘hinted’ many times that he should close the door behind him when leaving so as to not inconvenience those inside, once again failed to do so.  An older, well respected sauna user made a comment to him that it would be ‘nice’ if he remembered to close the door as ‘everyone else did’.  This prompted a sarcastic response which led to a short argument.

As it so happened, the person that was being lectured was also the same person that I had noticed leaving a bench he had been using full of sweat without bothering to wipe it down for the next gym member as well as ‘cutting the line’ when turning in his towel to receive his id back when exiting the gym( something we’re required to do).

It dawned on me that this person was obviously a self-absorbed narcissistic individual in ways that went far beyond just not having the respect for his fellow gym members to close a sauna door.  That little act was actually a tip-off to entire behavior patterns that this person operates his life by.  It would be no surprise to me if his entire life was marked by self absorption and lack of respect to others.

It is then not a leap of faith to take this to the next obvious question.  If this person is narcissistic and narcissistic behavior is caused by emotional damage during his development, what does that then tell us of the kind of family this person is from?  Those with thorough understanding of self esteem theory and how all the individuals in a family are inter-related almost like a puzzle  will see that I’ve been able to ‘read’ much more about this person’s psychological past and obtain a very rough, but undeniably valid window into what kind of person he is and where he comes from.  All from the closing of a sauna door.  For more great insight and articles make sure to visit .