This is the third article of the series reviewingThe Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdomby Jonathan Haidt. I want to share with you my take on a number of important concepts and contrasting notions regarding happiness and love that have had an impact on my own thinking.

In part 2, I described briefly the importance of reciprocity as a social bond. I looked at five very common mind games that people play: moral hypocrisy, the inner lawyer, seeing the world through rose-colored glasses, naïve realism, and the myth of pure evil. I presented some strategies for overcoming these games, such as seeing life as a game. I talked about their impact on me.

In this article, I will look at some thought-provoking concepts: the progress principle, the adaptation principle, the happiness formula, and finding flow. I will also look at some interesting contrasting ideas, such as pleasure versus gratification, do versus have, and passionate love versus companionate love. I am sure you will want to share these concepts and distinctions with your family, friends and colleagues based on your own experience.

The Progress Principle

Haidt agrees with the Buddhists and Stoics who stated that it is illusory to pursue happiness. It comes from within, involves breaking attachments to external things, and requires an attitude of acceptance. However, Haidt claims that happiness can also come from without your self. Here is where the progress principle comes into play. For example, I had tremendous pleasure in making progress towards writing my first two textbooks. I was also happy after completing the project and receiving my first royalty check. The first feeling of pleasure lasted much longer than the second. This principle states that more pleasure, even though it may be short-lived, comes from making progress toward your goals than achieving them.

The Adaptation Principle

Do you believe that no matter what happens to you, you could adapt to it? Scientific research shows that people adapt to whatever happens to them. People make judgments about their present level of happiness based on whether it is better or worse than the state that they have become accustomed to. In the long run, no matter what happens, you tend to return to your happiness set point. I found that to be true when I was earning a six-figure income as an educational author. I adjusted to it pretty quickly and was not particularly happier than when I was earning much less.

The Happiness Formula

Haidt presents the provocative idea of a happiness formula. You may be skeptical at first, just as I was, about the about the idea of quantifying happiness, but it me open up a number of new possibilities for your life. The formula is easy to remember: happiness = a set point + conditions of life + voluntary activities. Based on identical twin studies, researchers have made the case for a happiness set point related to a person's genes. Haidt speaks out having won the "cortical lottery" as it were. However, he qualifies the notion by suggesting it may be a "potential range" rather than simply a fixed point.

The second part of the equation refers to the conditions of your life -- conditions that you can change and those that you cannot. Obviously, you cannot change your age or race. But you can change such conditions as your level of wealth or marital status for the better or the worse for that matter. External conditions matter too. For example, by reducing irritating noise levels, reducing commuting time, taking more control of your life, improving your appearance, and strengthening your family and social network, you can increase your happiness, at least temporarily.

The third part of the equation refers to the things that you choose to do, such as meditation, exercise, learning a new language, or taking a vacation. They too can increase your level of happiness. I choose to exercise at least 30 minutes six days a week and that really makes me very happy, both in the moment and afterwards.

Finding Flow

I like this term. It refers to something you intensely enjoy doing. It was first developed by the psychologist Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced "cheeks sent me high.") I have often heard sport announcers refer to basketball players "being in the zone." Players are totally immersed in the moment; they are faced with a tremendous challenge; they have the skills to meet it; and they are getting positive feedback -- the roar of excited fans. It is the same with finding flow. I have experienced this pleasurable feeling myself when taking part in a triathlon and having my family and friends cheering me on. I also get this pleasurable feeling when I am writing.

Contrasting ideas related to Happiness

Haidt contrasts the ideas of pleasure and a gratification. The first is sensory and emotional and it is rather short-lived. Think of your favorite ice cream and enjoying it while it lasts. The second is an activity that leads to flow, such as accomplishing something, learning something or improving yourself. Gratification (which is different from "authentic happiness" in my thinking) can come from knowing your strengths, and using them to their full advantage.

Haidt also distinguishes between do versus have (there is also the concept be, which is a whole other subject). Research shows that when people work less or take longer vacations they tend to be happier than people who consume more or make more money. Having more money or more gadgets do not bring a corresponding rise in happiness. But then again, the little voice often tells many of us – my self included- that life is all about prestige and status.

There is also a difference between passionate love and companionate love. Scientific research shows that we all have a need for other people, for touch, and for close relationships. There is passionate love, which is a drug-like experience that wears off eventually. There is also companionate love, a deeply felt affection for those with whom we share our lives, which will also come to an end one day. I have experienced both passionate and companionate love, and as I grow older I am more and more conscious of their fleetingness.

A Key Finding

For Haidt here is another major finding of modern sociological research: how happy you are and how long you live are related to your social relationships. It makes sense intuitively.

Recently I was invited for supper by my 86-year-old friend and mentor, Sigy. His lady companion was there; his daughter and son-in-law, and granddaughter had come from out of town. After the meal, he got a call on Skype from his son and daughter-in-law living in Bermuda. I said to myself that that this happy moment makes life worth living, now and in the future.

These notions and contrasting ideas make me see things in new ways. I might compare it to running in the opposite direction of one of my regular runs. Nothing has changed, yet everything is different.

In Part 4 of the series I will give my take on two notions: the Adversity hypothesis and the Virtue hypothesis not normally related to happiness.