The Introduction of the Eulogy

In the first part of the eulogy you will introduce yourself in a few words. Do not assume that everyone knows your relation to the deceased.  For example, how would a co-worker know that the deceased had a nephew named Matt?
In the second part of the introduction you want to lay out what you are planning to say.  For example, you might say “I am going to say a few words about how Uncle Mike touched my life that I think will convey his humor and compassion.”

Body of the Eulogy

The audience wants to hear anecdotes, stories, happy memories and philosophies that the deceased lived by.  It is your duty to supply personal and vivid material.  Most commonly, inexperienced eulogists will simply list characteristics.  They will say things like “Uncle Mike was kind, compassionate, warm, easy to talk to and my best friend in the whole world.  This is incorrect.  What you want to do is tell a story or anecdote that embeds these characteristics.  There is an old writing maxim – “show me, don’t tell me.”

You want to share a philosophy or quotation that the deceased lived by. For example, in one eulogy, the eulogist was talking about the optimistic cheerful nature of the deceased.  When people asked him “How’s life?  He would always use his trademark reply “It’s better than the alternative.”  Everybody has a line that is famous within their personal social circles.  Use this line or philosophy in the eulogy.  It is personal and touching.

The purpose of the eulogy is NOT to deliver the most accurate and truthful character assessment of the deceased.  Yes, you may feel like you are lying when you omit embarrassing or negative character traits.  However, your job as a eulogist is not to deliver something of journalistic integrity.  Thus, you will only focus on the positive, happy memories and you will sugar coat things.

If the eulogist had a blatant negative flaw (eg- he was a philanderer) simply ignore the trait.  It would be hurtful to blatantly lie about his family loyalty when everyone in the audience knew that he was a philanderer.

Finally, if you are having a hard time coming up with material for the eulogy you can focus on accomplishments and special skills.  Perhaps the deceased was an avid boat racer and champion at his local club.  Perhaps the deceased was a distinguished Toastmaster.  You will need to dig around and ask questions to find out this type of information.  Most accomplishments, especially work related achievements fall under the radar.

Conclusion

End the eulogy on a high note.  To tie together your memories and anecdotes you can talk about what the deceased meant to you and how your life was enriched by knowing him or her. Another way to conclude the eulogy is to use a famous quotation that the deceased particularly enjoyed.  Most commonly, inexperienced eulogist summarize the body of the eulogy in the conclusion.  This is incorrect.  Although you should not include new material, the purpose of the conclusion is to "tie" together key themes from the eulogy.

If you follow these tips you will be well on your way to creating a warm and touching eulogy.