When there’s a storm, the grass bends over and lives to see another day. The oak tree that stands upright and unyielding will eventually be uprooted.

The same goes for public speaking. Don’t antagonize your audience – they’re not there to be offended. And if you do offend them, then you’ve just lost any chance you ever had of persuading them of your point of view.

In a sense, it’s very much like ju-jitsu or judo. Instead of rushing headlong at your opponent (and getting said head cracked open), use your opponent’s energy and momentum against him.

If you’re preaching to the converted, you have an easier job, of course. But even if your audience isn’t entirely convinced or even skeptical, your attempts at persuasion shouldn’t be obvious – because otherwise, they’ll fail. Acknowledge your audience’s beliefs and work from it.

Here are three major steps that will have even a hostile audience warming up to you.

1.Start from aCOMMON GROUND.

People have lots of different identities. At any one time, you’re someone’s child, but you’re also someone’s spouse and someone’s parent. You could be defined by your job – teacher, engineer, telemarketer, manager, salesperson. You could be defined by your religion – Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist. You could also be defined by your lack of religion – atheist. You could be defined by ethnic group or by gender, or even by age.

Use that! Find a common ground that you can share with a majority of your audience – and better still, relate your topic to it. Talk about your own personal experiences and share them with the audience to build rapport.

In short, understand your audience .

If you’re addressing a bunch of people who come from different faiths, talk about how faith in general can impact people by giving them spiritual support. If you’re addressing people from different ethnic groups, identify an issue that they can all relate to – for instance, the rising costs of living.

If you know your audience is particularly hostile on one particular identity, then try and shift the focus away from it.

Imagine, for instance, that you have to give a pro-abortion talk to a fervent group of anti-abortionists. Don’t jump straight into it and say that they’re wrong. Start by identifying with them. Talk about your experiences with raising your own children and the joy and the trouble that they’ve given you. In short, change your main identity – not pro-abortionist, but parent.

A common ground encourages understanding and emotional connection, which will soften their stance towards you – thus giving you an opening in their defenses, through which you can deliver your main points.

2. Address COMMON VALUES / GOALS.

Of course, after you’ve identified the common ground, it’s only logical to talk about common goals.

Life, after all, is about how we strive to achieve goals despite the obstacles in the way. And telling people that you want to help them achieve those goals is a great way to garner more support.

It’s important to show that you understand someone’s goals.

For instance, the anti-abortionists want to preserve life and they often cherish the idea of a family. So talk to them about it. Acknowledge this goal and show that you’re not at odds with it.

For instance, you can say that you want what’s best for families, both children and parents. It’s a goal that most people would agree with (I should hope so, who wouldn’t?) and you can then show how allowing abortion under certain circumstances may actually help this, possibly by ensuring that the children who are born are genuinely wanted and receive a higher quality of life.

Of course, your audience may not be hostile. Better still, then! If you’re attempting to sell something at a product demonstration, for instance, just demonstrate how your product meets the needs of your potential customer. You see it all the time in persuasive marketing, and here’s a basic example – shampoo.

Most shampoo brands will have variations of their product. There’ll be one for dry hair, for dyed hair, one for extra-moisturising properties, one for straight hair, one for curly hair… and so on.

The company wants to help you make your hair look good – which is why you buy their product.

Of course, that’s not really the case, is it? The company wants to make money. But no company’s going to actually say that – and the take-away from that is that neither should you. Focus on what your audience wants, and show them how you can help them achieve it.

3. Stay CALM. Avoid being too aggressive.

As a rule of thumb, people don’t like being pushed to do things. We like to think of ourselves as independent people who are capable of making our own decisions, so if you get too pushy, you might alienate people.

Sometimes, it’s as easy as acknowledging this fact. Simply say that you understand that not all members of the audience may agree with you, but that you respect their opinions and you hope that you’ll receive that same respect. Chances are, you will.

But of course, life’s not always that pleasant.

For instance, if you’re dealing with a hostile question from the audience , remain calm. Never, ever get defensive or worse, antagonistic. Things will go very rapidly downhill from that point.

Instead, try and defuse the situation. If the question is extremely hostile or even rude, a humorous quip tends to amuse other members of the audience and bring the hostility down – for instance:

‘Did my ex-husband/wife/mother-in-law send you?’

But also, thank them for their points and appreciate them. Devote some time to it – unless, of course, they’re just heckling you, you can simply note the concern and move on to more serious questions.

Some presentations are lost causes – you can talk till the cows – and even the sheep and the sheepdogs – come home, but you still won’t change anyone’s core values.

But with the above three tips, you can certainly make it a more pleasant and rewarding experience for everyone involved – most of all, yourself!