Mark Twain once admitted it took him about three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. With sufficient advance preparation, you, too, can seem to speak effortlessly. The trick, of course, is to be ready for questions or comments that are likely to be made in specific situations.

You know your life. You know the situations you are likely to be in. You know most of the people who will be part of those situations. And, you know their personalities. Some are persistent. YOu can be even more persistent. Some are downright fude. But you can be gracious while simultaneously refusing to play their games.

To illustrate, use the technique of repeating your refusal in a novel way. Let us say someone asked you how old you are and you don't like to talk about your age, for whatever reason. With a smile, you could reply, "Why, thank you very much." The person may try to correct a non-existent misunderstanding. "Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. I was asking how old you are."

In return, you would repeat, "Thank you so much." (The bigger the twinkle in your eye, the better. Very soon, the person will get the message that you are not going to divulge this information. If you continue saying it, you will be able to influence the other person (you want her to stop asking such personal questions) without violating your integrity (you have a personal policy of not revealing certain types of information).

Take this real-life situation. We all know people who impose on us. In this case, it was a neighbor, who approached your spouse on the golf course with this request, "Could you give this to your spouse when you get home? I don't have a sewing machine (or electric drill or some other necessary tool) myself. So, I thought Gerry (that's you) could just take a minute to do this for me." Your spouse dutifully complies.

A week later you meet the neighbor at a social function. You do not wish to create hard feelings. On the other hand, you have enough of your own woodworking (or sewing) to do. She asks about the repair job. How can you make your point without being too pointed?

Use a line like this. (It will serve a variety of different purposes.) "Sue, I put it at the bottom of the pile. I have so much mending of my own to do. I hope you don't mind waiting." And let her wait. After three months, return it to her, sounding mildly chagrined: "Sue, I'm so sorry, but I don't think I'm ever going to reach the bottom of my mending pile so I thought I'd better return this. I do know a good seamstress, though. Here's her phone number."

When people push you--and the world is filled with pushers--you can learn to push back without hurting anyone. Just anticipate the situations in which the pusher tries to take advantage. And be ready with the right "impromptu" response.