Your best pal is getting married; you are his bestman and you realise that bestman speeches have to be made by the nominated bestman involved. For the first time ever, you understand why the word looming is often used to denote a wall or a cliff that is about to come crashing down. On you.

Thinking about these things ramps up the anxiety. Your mates tell you its just like pulling your lip – right over the top of your head!This is not helping. You do not wish embarrass yourself, your best pal or the guests by delivering a flawed, jumbled speech.

Take a deep breath.

Now stop worrying and look at these guidelines. Use them in any order that suits bestman speeches generally; the first draft speech will allow you to shuffle your points around by editing. Remember that Winston Churchills and Mark Twains are very rare and do the best you can - but be yourself.

Procrastination is banned.

Write it down now. The more time you have, the better your speech will be, we guarantee that you will gnaw at a prepared speech mentally and on paper until you refine it to a slickness beyond any expectations you had before making a start. Write down the changes, try them again, practise saying the speech, practise it again – it will start talking to you in the sense of feeling right.

Bestman speeches invariably benefit from being practised in front of a mirror as well as practised on a friend for comment. You will be amazed at how well this works. No professional speechmaker leaves home without these tools.

Focus on the bridal couple.

Think of yourself as an actor. You will set the tone and style of the proceedings with your speech, which should not be about you. Refer to yourself in a brief introduction only. The finest bestman speeches are dedicated to what the bridal couple would want to be said at the reception. Do not kid yourself that this precludes you from roasting the groom. He is probably looking forward toit.

Personal is good.

Think about it – this is as intimate a speech that you will ever give to a crowd larger than 2 people. The guests expect to hear the groom roasted; dredge your friendship for gems. Poke fun but do not denigrate. Balance this by telling a story lauding his character or achievements. If you can make the praise funny, all the better. There may be guests present who know very little about the couple. (We know of cases where this applied to the parents.) Fill in a bit of background; things like:

• Your standing with one or both of the bridal pair.

• Outstanding features of their relationship.

• Your fondest personal memory of the couple.

• The bridal couples first meeting.

• Why they have chosen their honeymoon destination.

Humour helps to settle the nerves.

Any bestman speeches should kick off with a good one-liner. It breaks the ice after the ceremony and the laughter will settle your nerves immediately. Just do not fall into the trap of going gaga with success and ad-libbing. Stick to your speech, as you wrote it, as you practised it, as you meant to deliver it. You will wow them. Guaranteed.

If this is not helping and you do not have the time nor inclination to prepare a speech, see our wedding speech woes resources page for an immediate fix. Good luck.