Many women experience stress as they struggle to find a balance between motherhood and work.  Deciding whether to (1) return to the out-of-home workforce fulltime, or (2) return part-time, or (3) stay at home fulltime is difficult because of many factors.  What is best for the family and kids?  What about financial considerations?  Many women feel pulled in two directions trying to decide whether it is best to work outside the home or best to stay at home and raise the kids.  I have consulted with  many women who feel guilty, stressed, and anxious as they try to create a perfect balancing act.  But I remind them that there is nooneformula.  The best solution depends on what is the best fit for each individual woman.  Single moms and many families need the mother's income to meet their financial obligations.  So the choice is what kind of career allows for the additional income and schedule responsibilities raising the children.  Some women choose to take a break from the out-of-home workforce and stay at home to raise the children.  With any of these emotionally challenging decisions, the moms experience stress as they try to devise a formula for juggling jobs, schedules, childcare and family responsibilities.

When working women become moms, they often find a shift in their priorities.  This new little bundle of joy issocute!!  Many begin to question, how important is that job?  But the baby also cries a lot and requires a lot of time and energy.  So maybe returning back to work with grown-ups is a reprieve!!  It just depends on how the mother views the situation.  Weighing the options, women may find that it is more comfortable to shift to a different job schedule or shift to a different job entirely.  Some women decide to stay at home so that they can raise their children before returning to the out-of-home workforce.  Regardless, I find that an overwhelming number of moms are the household member expected to adjust their lives to accommodate the children's needs, and the women are the ones who will do whatever is necessary to make a homelife run smoothly.  The emotional stress can be overwhelming at times.

Decision Stress: To Stay at Home or Return to Work

Whether you are staying at home or staying in the out-of-home workforce, having kids creates stress.  Staying at home to raise the kids may mean loss of income, and it certainly provides less time for adult conversations.  But some women believe that this choice provides the best care for children, even if they feel guilty "wasting" a good college education or "wasting" their career talents.  That's why when asked what they do, they reply, "Just a mom."  In their eagerness to feel productive they may create a number of projects that become impossible to complete in the time that is available.  So more guilt is piled on top of the guilt they may already feel. But other women who stay at home may find the experience satisfying and enjoyable.  It just depends how you are emotionally wired.    Salaried out-of-home moms may feel guilty because they like their careers and enjoy the workplace and don't mind being away from their kids.  Should they be thinking of their own needs and wants rather than those of the kids?  Are they looked upon as being a good mother when they are leaving them for others to raise?  Hence the multiple calendars for work responsibilities and children's activities or the phone calls from work checking on baby.   Yes, these women also experience stress, guilt and anxiety just like the stay at home moms do but the emotional strains are triggered from different sources of inadequacy.  In other words, some women who stay at home feel guilty because they are not bringing in an income and some saleried women feel guilty because they are not staying with baby and witnessing milestones such as first steps or first words.

Deciding whether to return to work or stay at home may be completely dependant on your financial needs.  However there are options.  The most important consideration for moms is what feels like the best fit.  It may not be until after the baby is born that you begin to understand all of the emotions and the maternal attachments that you have for the child that you begin to have a sense of priorities.  How does the salaried job compare to motherhood.  Yes, motherhood is often the least valued job around financially, but it is still the most important for many.  If you find staying at home is draining all of your energy, you may find that returning to work helps you deal with the home life stress and gives you a buoyed sense of self-worth and identity.  If you find that working outside of the home is filling you with guilt, stress and anxiety, and you can financially swing  being a stay at home mom, you may find it fulfilling to engage in the growth and development of the children full time.  Many women are splitting work and motherhood either working part time or working from home.  It allows for sharing in the children's development as they grow and for self-identity in a career option that is reflective of your personal talents and abilities.  There is no one solution to balancing motherhood and work.  It is a personal decision that moms have to determine themselves.

Decision Stress: Leaving Baby

A lot of moms experience a mixture of emotions when it is time to decide when and whether to return to work after having a baby.  Many moms experience separation anxiety and grief about leaving their child at a childcare center or with a sitter in order to and transition back to work.  Although these are normal feelings to experience, some women have greater difficulty dealing with the stress than others.  The emotions vary among women; some experience guilt and sadness when leaving the baby, while others experience relief at getting back to their adult career worlds. Transitioning back to work can be less guilt ridden by doing solid research on the available childcare options.  Knowing that your child is in a healthy and safe environment will ease your conscience.  So check out the options, make some visits, ask about flexibility between work requirements and childcare schedules.  Look at the pros and cons of the various ways in which you and your family devise a formula that is comfortable for everyone.  And everyone includesyou.  Yes, your feeling and emotions matter.  So don't leave them out of the formula that you are crafting.  If the mom is not in a solid emotional place, then this will effect the family, so be honest in what matters for your wellbeing.

Stress Reducing Tips for Working Moms

1. Stop feeling guilty.  No one is perfect and I am sure you are doing the best you can.  But there are always choices and sometimes you have to say "No, I can't do this or meet that request."  Activities are time consuming and some activities will have higher priorities than others.  Watch the standards you set for yourself.  Is it really that important to have the perfectly manicured lawn or the perfectly decorated house?  While kids are living in the house, it is ok to have a house that looks lived in.
2. 
   Don't overprogram your kids.  It seems to be a trend that we enroll our kids in every afterschool activity and sports program offered.  But kids need down time.  If you restrict the number of activities to a manageable number, you can help them learn to prioritize their choices and you will find your taxi driving time reduced. It will also help the kids participate in some activities and also have some down time to relax and rejuvenate.
3. 
   Take care of yourself.  Remember that your health should remain a priority with proper nutrition, exercise and time to rest.  Personal time is important as well, so thatyoucan rejuvenate.  Enjoy the company of your spouse and enjoy time with friends away from the kids.  Don't let the kids take all of your time so that you become depleted emotionally.
4. 
   Remind yourself that there are many ways to be a good mom.