My sister and I had an argument the other day. Actually, I wouldn’t even want to dignify what we said and did with that word. It was the result of pent up emotions, some of which had been piling up since we were children. She walked in the door all excited about doing something, and I had the horrible temerity to say that we would need a small piece of equipment to do that thing. She yelled in response, saying that all I ever do is argue with her. So, I walked out of the room and left her to handle the situation in whatever way she chose.

Part of the problem may be the fact that I am older, and I don’t hesitate to say what I see. I am among the last people to purposely pick an argument, and among the first to leave when the conversation gets ugly. But, I have always enjoyed a good debate. I like to hear people voicing their opinions on whatever is under discussion. And, my sister has always been one to take things by rote. Once she has decided that something will be a certain way, nothing can change her mind.

So, I left the room and spent a few days hiding from her. I felt that if she were likely to take offense at everything I say, and explode at me without warning, then my only recourse was to keep silent around her, and to avoid being with her as much as possible.

Of course, we cannot live that way. People sharing households have to learn constructive ways to deal with the emotions that inevitably come up. Th issues themselves are generally paltry, and can be solved far more easily than the emotions can. It is true that most arguments are not about what the antagonists are yelling about. They are about how they have been hurting each other.

So, my vow of silence, which was far different from the spiritual vows of not speaking for long periods of time except under dire need, had much the same effect as the spiritual vows, in that I was compelled to look within, and to search for the meaning of the conflict beyond the words that were spoken. I learned that while we need each other, we also need space away from each other, in order to let the winds of peace blow between. And, we need to learn the art of listening, so that we can hear what the other person is saying. And, we need to learn to not take offense at what the other person says, so that we can hear what he means behind the words.