James*, 15, sits in front of his computer, simultaneously IMing his friends, checking his fantasy basketball stats, and looking up the price of a pair of sneakers. He is also listening to his ipod and occasionally flipping through the pages of a sports magazine. If you ask him what he is doing, he will say “Nothing.
Increasingly, many teens spend a majority of their time this way, and if pressed, they will confess that this kind of multi-media multi-tasking is what they are doing for fun in their spare time.
“To me, it looks like she’s just sitting around,” admits Callie, the mother of April, a teenage daughter. “But the more I ask around, the more I see that this is what teens are doing -- this is how they stay in touch, listen to music, and communicate with their friends. And they like to do it all at once.”
It will come as no great shock to the parents of teenagers that the time we spent on the phone or listening to records has been transferred to a set of electronic devices — computers and MP3 players and the like are really updated ways of participating in the kinds of hobbies and activities that teens have always enjoyed, from shopping to finding the latest music to sports. We may not comprehend how this translates, exactly, into fun,but to teens it’s a necessity, it’s familiar, and it keeps them in the loop. It also seems to be the case whether they live in Chicago or Cheyenne—the desire to be wired transcends boundaries.
But when -- and if -- your kids actually do leave the house, what are they doing for fun then?
Surprisingly, some of the same things we did.
The teenage years are often about getting together in groups, exploring both the unknown (going out without mom, dad, or grandma; figuring how much change to get back from the popcorn) and the known (seeing a movie, eating a hamburger.) It means, essentially, going to the movies or places to eat and hang out, thus fulfilling the basic physical and psychological teenage needs of food and knowing what’s hip.
For suburban kids that may mean hanging out at the local mall or restaurant; urban kids tend to congregate at someone’s house, or someplace that's inexpensive that welcomes teens—increasingly, places like a coffee chain, where the output of cash can be fairly low, but the input of information from friends fairly high. It provides an arena for teens to test their independence while in the safe confines of a large mass of people.
Other popular options for fun? Heading the list of an extremely unscientific poll (I asked my son’s friends) was “hanging out with my friends.” The gathering place was often secondary, but included playing sports (we hate to stereotype, but more for boys) and bowling alleys -- places where kids can be loud, and make fun of their prowess or else show off, while keeping busy and thus avoiding awkward silences and pauses. Further down on the list were venues like amusement parks and museums — places that require more time, and often, more cash.
It may also seem, at least to their parents, that today’s teens spend an enormous amount of time shopping, or at least, checking out merchandise. But hey—if today it’s the AT&T store or Urban Outfitters or Sephora, it's still not that much different from what we did-- looking for merchandise to tell the world who we were, tentatively trying out the adult world while keeping one foot planted firmly home with mom and dad.
And speaking of mom and dad, lest you think that all your teen thinks about is her friends, her latest outfit, or how to con more money out of your wallet, take heart from this statement from Lizzie, 15.
“I like being with my friends and going out to lunch and to flea markets,” she says thoughtfully. ”But I also (be still, my beating parental heart) just like to hang out with my parents.”
* Names have been changed