1. Why Didn't I See this Before?

Have you noticed your child slightly withdrawing from familiar friends and embarking into a new social crowd? This is one sign that may give pause to a parent, suggesting the thought, "My teen is on drugs!" But in general, most parents mistake signs of drug use for normal teenage behavior. Teenagers are going through so many hormonal changes anyway, it's hard to peg a slight change to a drug problem.

And no parent wants to suspect drugs. In fact, most fail to see the signs. But know that this is not a sign of bad parenting. Rather it is a sign that we trust our children, and truly believe the best of them.


2. Should I Take Drastic Measures? Or Should I Pull Back?

Depending upon your personality type, your instinct will either lean toward one extreme or the other - to lash out or pull back. But the real question is, can you trust your instincts?

When emotions are high and the health and safety of our child is at stake, most of the time we cannot accurately trust our first impulses when our mind keeps repeating, "My teen is on drugs!" We need a third party - a trained specialist - to help us see clearly in this type of situation. Perhaps the best route is to schedule an appointment with a family counselor. Or perhaps you simply need to find a good online network, with resources and network opportunities with other parents.

But back to our question regarding first impulse, here is the plain answer:Wait.

Wait until your emotions cool down. Wait until you actively search out knowledge and counsel. Wait until you have calmly and clearly created and evaluated an action plan.

But at the same time, don't give your teen the impression that you're putting this off. Give your child a precursor to your first step. Something like...

"Tracy, I found this in your room. I want to sit down and talk about this together. I know you have a game tomorrow afternoon, so let's plan to sit down together this Friday at 4. Okay?"

Now, that may be over-simplified. But as a concept, this line would give you a few days to prepare. It also gives your child some time to think things through. It shows your teen that this is serious and will be dealt with. But it also shows that you value and respect them, by not quickly pulling out the rug from under their feet. (Yes, this might seem to delay discipline and consequences, but it doesn't delete them from the equation!)

So, now you've given your teen the pre-cursor. You have a few days. Quick! What do you do next?


3. My Teen is On Drugs: Who Can I Talk To About This?

Drug use is a difficult issue, because it has strayed into illegal territory. As you choose who to trust as a mentor and counselor, keep in mind that confidentiality is key.

A Formal Setting is the safest face-to-face setting. When speaking about drug use, a friend or personal mentor may promise to keep a secret, but there is nothing binding to that promise. In a formal setting, a counselor is bound to confidentiality by the law (with some exceptions ). In a formal setting, a counselor will most likely start with the phrase, "What is said in this room, stays in this room." You will find this confidentiality from a formal Family Counselor. You can also find this confidentiality in a local pastor, if the meeting is made formal. (Pulling your pastor to the side of the sanctuary and briefly chatting is not necessarily a "formal" setting. Ask for a meeting time and a confidential location.)

Online Resources are another great option. While it may not be as personal as a face-to-face meeting, you may find the anonymity agreeable to you at this time. Or, online help may be a great supplement to your formal counseling meetings. There are some great professional counselors who have essentially put their practice online, allowing you the same resources as a formal, face-to-face counseling session.

For example, Mark Hutton, M.A. has offered himself as a personal parenting coach to anyone around the globe. In his home town in Indiana, he runs a weekly parenting group, teaching bold and effective parenting strategies. And on his website, he offers his full course, training materials, and eBook.

Laura Carter, M.A. is another excellent resource. Based in Sydney, Australia, she has worked with teens from all backgrounds. She is currently a formal Adolescent and Family Therapist. Her primary mission is to empower parents to regain respect and authority from their teen. Laura has taken her experience and training methods, and condensed this counsel into an eBook that has greatly impacted parents.

Take some time to read more about Mark and Laura's Online Help by clicking on either of their names above.


CONCLUSION - Parenting is Challenging! But You Can Do This.

You may be kicking yourself for not seeing signs earlier. But the point is this: You've recognized the problem now. It's time to move forward. First, establish your preliminary step with your child: Communicate that you're aware of the problem, and set up a formal time to sit down and talk. Second, prepare yourself for this talk. Find a formal counselor or a respected and effective online resource (like Mark Hutton or Laura Carter). Ask your questions, gain insight, and put together an action plan as you prepare to approach your teen.

Parenting is a challenge. There's no question about that! But you can take heart in the fact that you are not alone. Parents just like you have moved from the frantic feeling of, "My teen is on drugs!" They have found the help and counsel needed, and have successfully implemented an action plan that has worked well for their families.

I trust that you too will successfully and lovingly parent your teen through this trial.