Having a hard time recognizing your teenager? Wondering where that sweet child has gone?

The passage into adolescence can be just as difficult on parents as it is for their children. Teens can be moody, self-absorbed and downright testy. It’s difficult for parents not to feel confused and rejected being on the receiving end of these new personalities.

Thankfully, the science of neuropsychiatry is shedding new light on the machinations of the adolescent mind. In tracking brain activity, they found that adolescent neurotransmitter activity measures twice that of adults. While accelerating their learning capacity, this creative surge is accompanied by a sharp rise in emotional reactivity and perceptual acuity. Teens watch you like a hawk, picking up on your every word and gesture. They cringe, accusing you of being insensitive and clueless. Add to the mix the dramatic change in hormonal levels and “bam”! “ What happened to my loving, cooperative little boy/girl?”

Other research pinpoints increased activity in the area of the brain responsible for evaluating experience and perception of others. Paradoxically, scientists noted a drop in puberty-aged kids’ ability to read the emotions of others. As a result, they display a lessened capacity for empathy. This is not news to a lot of parents who watch their teens becoming more and more self-absorbed and self-centered.

Parents of the children I’ve worked with are often desperate for guidance in handling their depressed or acting-out children. They feel hurt and helpless. Having access to these new insights into adolescent behavior and thought patterns can be profoundly helpful and reassuring to parents and their teenagers. Achieving a new perspective about their children is critical for parents to set appropriate limits and to allow for calm, open communication. With the help of a professional therapist, parents learn to change the way they experience and understand their child’s behavior. In an environment of trust and acceptance, a more healthful separation-individuation process can take place. With that support and guidance, the adolescent is relieved of the burden of the parents’ upset and anxiety so that she/he may get on with the tasks at hand: Who am I? What do I want ? What are my talents and my potential?

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