When disciplining young children the power of control rests with the parent but as children reach puberty the focus of control shifts away from the parent and back towards the child.  This requires a change in the way parents approach discipline in order for it to be effective.  Research tells us that by discussing and negotiating acceptable behaviors and consequences with teenagers, then they are more likely to willingly comply with them.

• Rather than demanding compliance, discuss and negotiate family rules and appropriate behaviors with your child.  In areas of mutual concern such as bedroom tidiness, try to reach an acceptable solution that both of you can be happy with, even if it means compromising on both sides.
• When negotiating acceptable behaviors, ask your teen three questions;   1. Is it fair to others?   2. Is it safe for everyone?  3. Is it in your best interests?  If they can answer 'yes', truthfully to each, then you have agreement.
• When negotiating rules, try to focus on what you, the parent, will do rather on that the child must do.  "I will only wash your laundry if it is put in the washing basket" is usually more effective long term than if you demand that they put their washing in the basket every morning.
• Allow your teens to experience the consequences of their decisions.  For example, let them cope with the fallout of forgetting their homework, make them pay the fine for a late library book and allow them to feel the discomfort from choosing inappropriate clothing.  Only by doing this will they learn to accept responsibility for their decision making or lack thereof.
• When you need to speak to your child about their behavior, make sure both you and the child are calm and rational.  An angry child will probably not listen and an angry parent will have difficulty getting their message across so it is better to delay the discussion until the dust settles.
• Do not expect perfection.  Remember that you were not perfect back then, are still not perfect now and neither is your child.  They will make mistakes and by doing so, will hopefully learn not to make them again.

Finally, effective discipline ultimately relies on the strength of the relationship that exists between parent and child.  Working hard to establish a cooperative and respectful relationship will give you the best chance of coping with the inevitable difficulties that come with raising a teenager.