Traditional ceremony readings peppered with "thou shalts" and "whilst ye´s" aren´t for everybody. If you cannot bear another rendition of "love is patient, love is kind…" at your wedding ceremony, you´ve come to the right place. Consult this list of alternative - even humorous - ceremony readings inspired by modern literature, songs, and poetry that pack a slightly edgier punch than traditional wedding readings.

Wedding Ceremony Readings - Humorous

To Keep Your Marriage Brimming - Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you´re wrong admit it;
Whenever you´re right shut up.

Yes I´ll Marry You - Pam Ayres
Yes, I´ll marry you, my dear,
And here´s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry
And I hear a knocking
And it´s creepy and it´s late
I hand you the torch you see
And you investigate
Yes I´ll marry you my dear
And you may not apprehend it
But when the tumble dryer goes
Its you that has to mend it
You have to face the neighbour
Should our roggie cat attack him
And if a drunkard fondles me
Its you that has to whack him
Yes Ill marry you
You´re virile and you´re lean
Your house is like a pigsty
I´ll help you keep it clean
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candle night
As I do the chappatis you can cook it every night
It´s you who has to work the drill
And put up curtain track
And when I´ve got a migraine its you who gets the flack
I do see great advantages
But none of them for you
And so before you see the light
I do I do I do I do

Get even more wedding ceremony humorous readings here.

Wedding Ceremony Readings - from the Movies

FromCaptain Corelli´s Mandolin- by Louis Bernieres
Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.

FromFools Rush In
You´re the one! You are everything I never knew I always wanted. I´m not even sure what that means exactly but I think it has something to so with the rest of my life! And I think we should get married! Right now!

Wedding Ceremony Readings - From Poetry

FromA House of Stone- by Carmen Bugan
In the village where I was born, we wish
A house of stone to shelter the heart of the marriage
So here too, I wish you
Obstinate, strong love, unyielding and unending.
May you be in reach of each other when all seems lost,
May your tears and your smiles happen always face to face.
When you imagine that you have shared everything
May you know that you still have the rest of your lives
To do all of it again and again.
But now listen to the hurry of bells and
Look how petals of roses about the vineyard
Bring you the words husband and wife:
First words in your house of stone.

Wedding Ceremony Readings - From Songs

FromLovesong- by The Cure
Whenever i´m alone with you
You make me feel like i am home again
Whenever i´m alone with you
You make me feel like i am whole again
Whenever i´m alone with you
You make me feel like i am young again
Whenever i´m alone with you
You make me feel like i am fun again
How ever far away, i will always love you
How ever long i stay, i will always love you
Whatever words i say, i will always love you
I will always love you

Get even more alternative wedding ceremony readings here.