50 Ways to Leave Your Lover Pt 1

There must be 50 ways to leave your lover, oh there’s certainly more than that. No matter what your reasoning may be, it’s time to move on. Don’t be coy, don’t discuss much and be quick about it. Below are 50 ways to leave your lover.

  1. Throw your glass of wine in his face and storm out of the restaurant.
  2. Write “I hate you” in red lipstick on the bathroom mirror and never return.
  3. Enlist the help of a skywriter and announce your breakup to the world.
  4. Spell out “it’s over” in rose petals on her bed.
  5. Send him an invitation to your wedding (real or imagined) with someone else’s name next to yours.
  6. Hire a stripper to break the news to her.
  7. Fake your death, change your name and skip town.
  8. Accuse her of cheating on you.
  9. Just start dating someone else and avoid all the awkwardness.
  10. Throw all of his stuff out the window of your house and change the locks.
  11. Tell her you’re going to pick up some groceries and never return.
  12. Create a crossword puzzle where all of the answers are words like “breakup,” “dissolution,” “bachelor,” “parting,” “single,” and “companionless” and leave it on the table for him.
  13. Write her a sweet farewell poem and stick it in her coat pocket.
  14. “Accidentally” leave someone else’s undergarments in your apartment
  15. Give them a holiday or birthday card and sign it with something to the effect of “this will be the last one of these for us.”
  16. Sneak out in the middle of the night and leave them a note on the nightstand.
  17. Scribble “Sorry, I can’t” onto a post-it and stick it to his forehead while he sleeps.
  18. Hop on a plane and move to another country.
  19. Carve “It’s over” into his leather mustang seats .
  20. Put Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” on repeat in your apartment.
  21. Invite your new lover over and make sure your boyfriend catches you in the act.
  22. Send her a heartfelt, well thought out text message.
  23. Hit on his brother during Christmas dinner.
  24. Breakup with her after she gives you an expensive Valentine’s Day.
  25. Tell him he doesn’t make enough money for you.