I'm writing this article to help the thousands of American fathers out there who are fighting a restraining order so that they can win a custody battle during their separation or divorce proceedings.

First of all, I'm here to give you a clear warning about the biggest problem you'll be facing. It's that if your ex has decided to fight dirty by filing a temporary restraining order against you, or made phony abuse allegations in court, it's just the start of the games that she has up her sleeves to make your life hell. And there is no lack of lawyers willing to educate her, if not. Some lawyers have fathers fighting a restraining order as a standard procedure - it doesn't matter to them that there is no merit to any of the accusations, and it won't influence their sly legal maneuvers. The benefits are too huge for your ex to ignore - namely, that:

• your ex can file a petition to the court that maintenance payments should increase (since you can't see your kids, they can't stay at your place or go on day trips)
• you end up swamped in paperwork, and end up financially and emotionally bankrupt after fighting a restraining order AND trying to win custody at the same time

Worse than that, most women's online advice resources or advice charities which advocate traditional divorce practices suggest the same old defenses which usually lengthen and abuse the legal system in their own way - with very few of them actually focusing on the needs of the kids involved! Fathers have a right to be around to see their kids grow up, and very often they fail to win a custody battle whilst fighting a restraining order - not because they're not good dads, but because they didn't know the right steps to take to defend themselves.

The good news is that you can successfully defend yourself, by gathering evidence (store receipts, emails, names of witnesses, bank statements) and learning how to present it in the family court yourself. Whether you've just been served the order (so you're basically fighting a temporary restraining order, aka an "ex parte" order) or it's evolved into a permanent one at a later court hearing, many fathers regain access to see their kids. My own case involved firing an expensive lawyer who wasn't really putting my needs (or the needs of my kids) first, and I ended up winning 100% full custody of my two sons as a result. It's something I am thankful for every day. I want more fathers to realise that they can win a custody battle too - and it's easier than they might think.