Anyone who has ever been through a break up will know that is not something they would wish to repeat. The whole affair is messy, painful, confidence sapping and all round not much fun. There are so many uncertainties that you generally don't know whether you are coming or going and everything seems so complicated. One day runs into the next as you try to cope with a job or kids or both; to make things worse your not getting enough sleep.

While there is no magic wand to make it all go away, there are things you can do to help you cope. There is a natural recovery period which will have to pass before you will start to feel any sense of normality; this will vary according to your personal circumstances. The good news is that you can find respite from the immediate stress and you can also reduce your recover time immensely.

This article could not possibly recount all the methods of self assistance available to you but it can certainly point you in the right direction. You need to make a decision about your relationship; are you going to try to make it work or are you going to move on? Now if your partner has left you and indicated that the relationship is over then your decision is easy you move on. On the other hand if you have decided you are unsure about the relationship and have called it off you need to consolidate that position and make it a definite decision.

Why is it so important to make a decision? Your brain is a problem solver and thrives on definite decisions; once you tell it what to do it gets on with planning the future. Indecision leaves your brain confused; it can't do its job because it doesn't have the information it requires to solve the problem. Ever wondered why people fear the dark? Darkness is full of unknowns that cause your brain to induce a stress response; it doesn't have the information required to satisfy itself that you are not in danger. It goes to fail safe mode – if in doubt, panic.

So stop torturing yourself and make a decision and stick to it. You will experience much less stress and your recovery will start almost immediately.