Breaking up with someone you love can be an awfully painful experience. The pain is even worse when you don’t realize how much you love them until they are gone, then you’re left doing nothing but think of ‘what ifs’ for the rest of your life. Don’t count yourself out just yet. Winning love back isn’t impossible; you just need a plan.

The first thing you need to do is take a break from your ex lover. No communication or any interaction at all, if that’s possible in your situation. I know if you share children then it becomes impossible to cut off communication entirely. In those cases, just communicate what needs to be communicated and leave it at that. No arguing, no bickering, no insults.

The break will give you and your ex some time to reflect and some time for the real feelings to settle in. Also, it won’t make you look like you desperately need your ex soon after your break up.

During your break you need to reflect on what was right about your relationship. Think back on the happy times and try to remember the things your ex liked about you. Maybe it was the cuddling at night, or the nice love notes you used to leave for her, or the compliments you gave him. You know the stuff you used to talk about in the more intimate conversations. I know these conversations may be far away in the past, but they contain the secrets.

Once you identify what your ex liked about you, ask yourself if those qualities are (or were) still alive in your relationship just prior to breaking up. I’ll bet they faded, and that’s typical for relationships were the "newness" fades.

Now, ask yourself if you’re willing to bring those qualities back. If so, develop a plan to do it. Maybe you need to make some daily time for only you and your ex to spend together, or maybe you both need to spend more weekends going out on dates like you used to. There are numerous ways to bring back the fun and all the other important stuff that goes along with it.

Now you need to give your ex a call or preferably see them in person. I’m sure you know how to do that. Once you meet your ex tell them how good it is to see them and apologize for any nastiness that occurred in the break up (we all have nasty break ups at times).

Then let your ex know that you still have feelings for them and have done some serious soul searching and have realized some of the important things in the relationship have faded.  Con vey to them how you’d like to get back together and share your plan on how you’re going to bring those special moments back.

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