Emotions. Emotions! EMOTIONS!! Cancer and emotions - what a potentially dangerous combination.

Why?

Think about it, not only do you have to deal with finding out you have cancer but you also have to deal with your emotions and the emotions of people around you. It can be overwhelming! Not to mention very stressful.

First off, there isn't much cancer information about dealing with your emotions. And right now you don't need more stress in your life because this further burdens your immune system.

So, where do you start?

Let's start at the beginning. Your sub-conscious mind is the feeling part of you - the emotional part of you. This is the part of you that can wreak havoc in your life if you don't take charge of it.

First of all, you must recognize there is a scale of emotions. Next, you must learn how to control your emotions. And lastly, you need to know how to move up the scale of emotions.

The scale of emotions ranges from best to worse - from pure joy and love all the way down to fear, grief and depression.

Every single experience of our lives includes emotions. Each experience doesn't touch on every point of the scale of emotions. All experiences are different. And everybody is different - we don't all react the same way. Nor do you react the same way every time you have the same experience.

You can experience something today and react by totally losing it. Tomorrow you can have the same experience and not react at all. This doesn't necessarily mean you have learnt something from the previous day's experience. You may not have. You may just be too tired to react or simply no longer care about the situation.

When it comes to you and your cancer, where do you want to be on the scale of emotions? It seems like a silly question, doesn't it? But it does bear out the fact that most of us have never thought about this question before.

Here's some cancer information for you - if you don't know that the scale of emotions exist, then how could you ever move up the cancer scale of emotions? And if you don't have a target to aim for, then how would you ever achieve it?

What about this startling piece of cancer information - today I can categorically say that I am happy about my cancer experience! How is that possible you might ask? Well, it's like this. I learned many amazing things about myself during my cancer experience.

I learned that I have courage. I learned that I can focus on and achieve the goals I set for myself about my future. And, most importantly, I learned that I had strength of character.

I truly never realized that I possessed these qualities. And yes - if you haven't already guessed - I had unresolved emotional issues like lack of self worth.

I never truly realized what I was capable of. So when the 'test' of cancer came along I swore I'd beat it. And beat it I did. That's what I learned about myself. I learned that I was able to raise myself up, make a decision, and succeed.

For me cancer was such a life changing experience. But make no mistake, this was for the better! If cancer didn't happen to me, I'd still be a "walking generality" - going nowhere!

Inadvertently, cancer gave my life direction. I am able to say this now.

This wasn't always the case however. In the beginning, I started way down at the bottom end of the scale of emotions at depression. Over time I was able to lift myself up and now I'm happy with my experience. I'm happy because I realise the result of the cancer experience has been a huge positive in my life.

Am I saying this was such a good experience that I would choose to have cancer again? That's a resounding NO! Once was enough, thank you. I learnt from the cancer experience the first time.

Effectively dealing with emotions and feelings is something we were never taught at school. You might say we learned it from social conditioning, from our parents and teachers. But often the results of these childhood experiences were that we learned how to suppress our feelings and emotions.

What you need to do is feel better about your experiences, even slightly better. And to maintain this new point of reference until you move up to a better feeling. Notice I didn't say the aim is to make you feel good right now, about your cancer experience. That will come in time.

Have you learned anything about yourself during your cancer experience? Has the experience given your life new direction? New meaning? What pearls of wisdom have you gleaned from cancer?

Feeling better relates to you and only to you. You cannot control other people. So, dealing with your loved ones emotions' can sometimes be more trying than your own. It can be more difficult because you certainly can't change the way other people think.

Here's a case in point. When I was diagnosed with cancer, relatives often asked - almost insisted - that my wife, Barbara, assure them that I would be okay and that everything would be fine. Note this was never asked of me.

You see, when there is crisis in the family, many look around to the strongest person to support them emotionally. In this case Barbara was perceived as the strongest (outside of myself) and relatives turned to her for comfort and support.

But they did this without realizing that Barbara may have needed support herself. You must understand that finding out a loved one has cancer is devastating for all involved.

Not everyone is able to lend support in a meaningful way to those who need it. Not everyone is able to be positive or even just maintain a 'neutral' attitude. Not everyone is able to rise to the occasion. It's unfortunate. But that is just the way life is sometimes. Nobody is perfect.

"But if only they would ........if only they could........why can't they.....". This sort of thinking only increases your own emotional stress. So don't think this way, it doesn't serve you. And it doesn't help your wellbeing. Accept people for where they are at. They are doing the best they can.

Realize that others around you are also hurting. Understand that others may not be able to support you. Understand that you may have to support them. It may not be fair. Some days you may struggle to support yourself. That's okay. But recognize that everybody is in emotional pain.

Tell the people around you, how you are feeling. Tell them that you love them. Communication can help to relieve and reduce the stress involved with cancer and the fear of the unknown. And that goes for everybody involved. Let's face it, nobody wants to lose you. And worse still, nobody wants to deal with the experience either.

That's what my wife and I experienced and that's what we learned. And now we teach others how to do the same.

Now is the time to be patient with everybody. Including yourself. Love yourself and love others. Learn from your experience. Embrace the learning. And know that the people around you do love you. They aren't perfect but they do love you.