Your Sick Child Wants to Feel Normal – Here's How to Help Them

At age seven, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. A scary reality hit my parents like a ton of bricks.How are we going to protect our baby girl? What types of walls or shelter do we need to create so that she can survive this cancer and be well again?I can only imagine the thoughts that went through my parents' minds as I endured six major surgeries throughout my childhood years—and then several minor ones decades after the cancer had been removed. They were going to build a fort to protect me. And until I was healthy again, they wouldn't let anything else or anyone else harm me.

But I wanted to be like all the "normal" kids and do the things they did. As you can imagine, this became a point of contention between my parents and me. Kids without illness or disabilities want to fit in, so it's only natural that your child, who is battling a catastrophic illness, wants to feel normal. She wants to swing on the swings, ride a bike, and play with her friends without her mother telling her to slow down or be careful. Of course, it's a parent's natural instinct to protect his or her child. And when that child is sick, the warrior parent comes alive to fight off whatever might put that child in harm's way.

If this all sounds a bit familiar, you are not alone. Parents with sick children naturally want to protect them so that they can become healthy again. However, while you're busy protecting, you have to be careful to not strip your child of the very few freedoms he or she may have left. In general, children don't want to be babied. And sick kids don't want to be treated like they're sick. They want to be treated equally, just like the other kids. So here are a few tips to think about the next time your child wants to go outside and do an activity that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up:

• Treat your child as normally l as possible, with some limitations. If you're child wants to go skiing but the doctor advises against it, think of ways that you can modify the activity. Maybe plan a group snowshoe or something else to do in the snow that would have less impactful results if things went wrong. Talk to your child about the activity and work together to see how you might make it safer—without ruining all the fun. If you're child feels involved in the decision-making, he'll be more accepting of the limitations imposed.
• Remember that close friends understand your child's illness, maybe even more than you do. If your child has a group of neighborhood friends, chances are those friends are going to take care of each other and watch out for each other. In my case, my friends knew I was sick and they were okay with that. They adjusted activities so that I could participate. Sometimes the kids will figure out the limitations on their own without you—the parent—having to intervene.
• Trust that your child will make the right choices. They know their body better than anyone. They know when things are good vs. when they feel tired and sluggish. When I was a kid, my mother would let me play until I eventually conked out from exhaustion. If I couldn't do something any more, I stopped. Trust your child to know how far he can push his body and his mind.

As a parent, it's hard to let go sometimes. As a parent of a sick child, it's even harder. Yet it's also even more important for your child to feel "normal." After all, that's how we all want to feel, right?