Autism and the pressure to conform

When you peruse the many forums and/or websites run and utilized by persons on the Autism Spectrum, a familiar theme in many threads and posts is the pressure and stresses many Autistic persons feel and endure many a time for the need to conform to and comply with the (Neuro typical or NT) expectations of the general community.

In order to feel accepted and assimilate into such a community, Autistic persons can feel the exhaustive pressure of trying to maintain a persona which can feel unnatural to them. This persona may, for some, convey the appearance of varying degrees of confidence and social ease; a willingness to be part of the ‘crowd' (be like everyone else); an acceptance or knowingness of the need to conform to be ‘normal' (‘should be') and so on. But ‘bubbling' about within their soul is the stress associated with ‘keeping up appearances' for those whom they feel don't accept their individuality, different way of being and unique, innate and natural ways. Once in the privacy of a domain that is sacred and comforting for them (e.g. at home), they can let this ‘guard' down, with what can be described as a flooding/release of all that pent up (bursting at the seams sometimes) stress and be ones self again – expressing the true self without the judgment of ‘another'. Additionally, the Autistic individual can be left with perpetual anxieties, of varying intensities, which can be difficult to eliminate by ones-self and can even keep compounding until symptoms of depression can present obtrusively.

Part of the pressure imparted onto Autistic individuals begins when many are very young. When the adults (loving and otherwise) begin many therapies to ‘remedy' or remove the innate Autistic ‘fabric' of the one diagnosed as being on the Spectrum. The pressure is maintained when the expectation to conform, ‘normalize', ‘reform‘ or remove ‘undesirable' behaviours throughout their childhood and teen years (and possibly the adult years) persists.

Of course there are some elements related to Autism which, for the wellbeing of the Autistic person and sometimes the family, may present in a manner which can be detrimental to one's safety or overall wellbeing. Some of these elements could be co-morbid conditions, such as depression, violent behaviours etc.. These elements, in regards to their severity, must be managed with the utmost respect for the Autistic individual and their dignity, to promote quality of life.

As children, the Autistic individual may not be able to manage (perhaps verbalize or convey) the effect on them of sensing the sometimes stressful expectations of another to ‘conform' (or not understand them) and may explode with rage, emotional or behavioural outbursts or experience a complete shutdown (overload), retreating into the sanctity of a cocoon of silence, a favourite place, to an unseen corner and/or disappear, escape such pressures.

With maturity (as they grow) they may have learnt that in order to be ‘accepted', they must develop or maintain a persona (a cover for the real self) which aims to ‘please' the observer (e.g. teacher, parent, helper, other kids, non ASD persons etc.), in order to try to ‘blend in'. This persona can have the ‘observer' believe that ‘normalization' has been achieved (‘success') and was justified. But to the keen, intuitive, empathetic and understanding eye, one who understands Autism, it can be very obvious that a persona (not the authentic Autistic person) is being displayed. Assuming this persona has the effect of masking the natural, innate and unique being, which has been described to me by one Autistic adult as a torturous experience. Perhaps this persona can be related to the Exposure Anxiety an Autistic person may experience, when behaving in such a way, albeit unnatural to them, can be a way to protect ones-self from a perceived or real ‘threat' in the environment (people, expectations, other…).

Through the teen years and into adulthood many persons on the Spectrum have great difficulty pealing away the layers of this persona (which is unnatural for them) and letting, with confidence and pride, their real and authentic selves shine. What tends to maintain these layers tightly wrapped around them, is the lack of acceptance by others of their (ASD) beingness and their (ASD individuals) unwillingness to expose the real self underneath for fear of non-acceptance.

Autism is ultimately just part of natures design and piece of the diversity puzzle which is inherent (naturally) within the human species. Embracing diversity and allowing another to express and expose their authentic self with confidence and pride will complete the ‘puzzle' often associated with Autism and assist many on the Spectrum to live with emotional (psychological and physical) freedom.

By Louise Page M.A.I.P.C., Q.M.A.C.A (Australia)

Heart and Soul of Autism /