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The pressure is on. You can feel it pressing down on you. Just how can you avoid the embarrassment of premature ejaculation and start to last longer in bed?
Part of the problem is that until recently, for the male of the species speed has been essential to our survival. If there's a chance that we were so distracted by the act of having sex that we wouldn't notice the grizzly bear creeping up behind us, we wouldn't have survived. So in our cave man days, speed would have been absolutely paramount.
Modern day men aren't likely to be interrupted during sex to make some predator's dinner. So it's up to us to work out a way to get over our instincts and take the time to make sure both we and our partners enjoy our close time together.
1. Stop stressing about it
It's a proven fact that what we think about usually comes to pass. If you keep stressing over the idea that you're only going to last a few seconds or minutes in bed, chances are that's what will happen. Learn to relax more. Chill out. Put on some calm, relaxing music in the background rather than fast paced stuff you normally listen to. Or treat yourself to a relaxation CD and listen to that for a while before you go to bed with your partner.
2. Remember to breathe
Sounds a bit daft. After all, if you're not breathing you're not going to be much use in bed either. But what this really means is breathe deeply and gently. When we panic, our breath gets shorter. We take faster, shallower breaths. Take nice, slow, deep breaths and you'll naturally start to relax more.
3. Slow down!
You don't need to break the world speed record every time you jump into bed. Take the time to slow down and notice what's going on around you. Notice how your partner reacts when you do various things. Take the time to feel how their skin feels. Explore their body - not just the areas you always head for but their whole body. Even toes and fingers can be sensual. Why not take a nice, long, relaxing bath together where the pressure isn't just on the sex act?
4. Don't beat yourself up
We men have a tendency to think we need to be 100% perfect in everything we do. And we then indulge in lots of nasty inner self-talk when we don't live up to that perfection. You've done it - talked to yourself in a way that you wouldn't tolerate from anyone else. When you catch yourself doing this, throw that voice out. You've created it, you can stop it. Or change the voice (it's in your own head, created by you, remember) to something different. Let Mickey Mouse tell you off - you'll laugh rather than take it personally and be wounded for your next outing.
5. Practice makes perfect
You didn't learn to walk or ride a bike or drive a car the first time out. Why should it be any different when you take your partner to bed? Talk things over with them, support each other and practice. After all, it's not like it's an exam at school that you have to pass!
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