Church forum sites are filled with posts asking for advice about porn addiction . Religion and spirituality play a big role for many people seeking recovery and redemption from porn addiction. Perhaps it is because there is so much guilt and shame involved. For a religious person, it seems the natural first place to look for help with pornography addiction is their church, synagogue, priest, rabbi . . . The advice offered on the online forums is not professional advice.
The typical scenario is a man who desperately wants to stop his porn addiction and recover. He may talk about the pain and guilt he feels. He is ridden with shame and is sure something is fundamentally wrong with him. He looks to God for a way out. It's probably not possible to conduct a study on how effective spiritual salavation is in helping porn addicts or other addicts for that matter in their recovery. In a preliminary review of a variety of Internet forums and religious based websites offering advice, there is a mixture of acceptance, sympathy and some that are less welcoming or just not giving useful advice.
When a person is seeking help and is pushed towards feeling more shame or made to feel that there is something wrong with him, his chances of recovery can be severely dampened.
This short post found on a church advice forum, sums up the ongoing debate the porn addict struggles with inside his own head:
“In my heart, I know that there is more to life to this pattern that I call my life. But I’m confused. I don’t know the meaning of life. I don’t know why I’m here, or what I’m doing. In my mind, I can only process 2 goals: Get porn, or avoid porn. That’s it. And frankly, they both make me miserable. “
This person feels betrayed by his mind. It’s forcing him to do things he believes are wrong. He struggles to reject the thoughts. Maybe those around him or what he reads or has been taught tell him to reject those thoughts – “put it out of your mind” “stop thinking about it” “mind over matter”. Or maybe a judgemental tone telling him he is immoral or sick.
Is any of that working? Obviously not. Here he is judging himself for being a bad person in a public forum. He tries to force himself to stop. He may manage for a short while and then lapse – and then gets more ashamed . . . It is a problematic cycle that is hard to break, especially when someone is too ashamed to seek help.
When a person suffers from porn addiction and feels ashamed, as most do, He is getting good at shame and anger – practice makes perfect. Whiole it is not surprising that those around him will reinforce his feelings of guilt, it is not what will motivate him to seek a real cure. Sadly many addicts have no idea how to break the cycle of shame and anger and remain trapped in their addiction.
