I have recently been reminded of how difficult a seemingly simple exchange of the child can be. I heard yet another horror story of how one parent made a huge problem over nothing. The questions are, can you stop it, can you prove it is a problem, can you ask the court to help stop it? It all comes down to documentation.

There are any number of reasons that visitation exchanges do not go well from geographical problems, to parents who cannot follow rules, to parents who create problems just because they can. But here you sit with a court order in hand that lays out in plain English how the visitation is supposed to be handled. A lot of good that is doing you now. Even if you call the police, they are practically helpless and seem to have no idea how to resolve the issue. There typical advice is “go back to court”. You really have to ask, “Why?”. It isn’t as if another order stating the same thing is going to fix this mess.

What’s more, the other parent realizes that you are powerless and they can do whatever they want now. And this is the point at which you realize that you are really on your own. Where can you turn?

Well all is not lost. You are stuck for the time being but as I like to say, “Time is my ally”. You see, with each problem that arises you are given the opportunity to document what doesn’t work and why there is a problem. Yes, I said “opportunity”. This isn’t some politically correct thing, it is a change of attitude on your part that you can pull yourself out of this mess, and take back control of your life.

You see, if the problem is that the distance is too far and that the travel time creates an unbearable problem, document the issue. Many times parents will try to meet in the middle only to find out that the parent bringing the child or attempting to pick them up is forced into making the whole trip or 75%. Of course the problem is that it is your word against theirs. Or is it? You see part of your problem is that you don’t have anyone as a witness. Or anyone that isn’t biased. You can’t get a police report so you have a problem. But what if you found a neutral third party to vouch for you. You just did! Take you ATM card and use it at a convenience store. This will show when and where you were. So if you are supposed to meet halfway but drive all the way, get a bottle of water. This shows on both a bank statement and you get a store receipt. Or perhaps you have to wait a couple of extra hours. Get a receipt when you leave.

Let’s say there is drama and you do need the police. While they rarely write reports for this kind of stuff, there is an incident number you can get when you call dispatch. Courts have access to the information and let’s face it, they don’t really need to look it up to know you called. Just the fact that is required the police shows it isn’t working.

Look, I know you’re frustrated but these methods do work. Stick to your guns and find creative ways to show that your visitation isn’t working for you. If your child is traumatized by this, take them to a counselor and ask the counselor to recommend that the child be allowed to forgo visitation is they choose. This is really based on the feeling of security. If the child doesn’t feel secure, they don’t go. The other parent will get the message and that power trip will go away. Why? Because you have documented their abuse of power and that will be their undoing.