When the adultery of your spouse is what leads you to file for divorce, you need to know what’s important. Otherwise, you will be adding financial distress to your emotional distress.

1. Florida is a no-fault divorce state. This means that it doesn’t matter why a couple is getting a divorce in Florida. In fact, a simple statement that your marriage is “irretrievably broken is all that is needed in your divorce papers in Florida. Your divorce petition will not contain any of the details of the adultery unless some other things, discussed below, are important.

2. Your spouse’s adultery may not necessarily impact on your divorce. This flows from Florida’s “no-fault” divorce law. On the other hand, your spouse’s adultery may have an impact on your divorce in Florida if your spouse spent marital property in his or her affair, whether gifts, dinners, romantic getaways, etc. This is an instance when some details may make it into your divorce papers, and then usually when those are prepared by a family law attorney who will know what is relevant and should be included, as well as what is not and should be left out. A divorce petition is not the place to try and get sympathy from a judge by including all the details of how you’ve been wronged.

3. If you’re going to play private investigator to prove adultery and it’s impact on marital funds or property, know how far you can go. It doesn’t make sense for you to hire a private investigator or even play that role yourself if it will not benefit you in any way during your divorce. Further, you need to be careful not to break any laws in your search for evidence to help you.

4. Keep the children out of the information loop. Your children do not need to know the details of your spouse’s affair or even how you feel about it. And a judge doesn’t need to hear from your spouse about how you are involving the children in the matter.

5. Put some distance between the time of your discovery and the time you meet with a divorce attorney for that first consultation. It takes time to deal emotionally with your discovery of your spouse’s unfaithfulness so that you can consider your choices. These choices may include deciding whether you want to try a reconciliation or head straight to the courthouse. Divorce, or family law, attorneys often charge non-refundable retainers (or deposits), which means if you change your mind after you hire the lawyer to begin working on your divorce so that you can try a reconciliation, you will not receive a refund of that money. And beware the attorney who tells you he or she will take your spouse to the cleaners---will make him pay---since that may not turn out to be the case.

While your spouse’s conduct may be morally reprehensible, a Florida divorce is not a tool for moral judgment or punishment. If you know that upfront, you will save yourself not only time and money.

(c) Vivian Rodriguez