I hear from people all the time about their ex doing this and doing that. Ex’s love pushing your buttons and getting you going, but how far is too far? When does it get to the point that you need to act and how should you act? While Jerry Springer may make for entertaining television, does this stuff need to be brought to court? How do you sort out the “baby momma drama”, from a real issue that belongs in court? If you’re totally enraged at your ex for dropping off late, not showing up, not paying, yelling, screaming, texting, yada yada yada, then let’s calm down and sort it out.

I like solving problems from the end. That is, I look at how I want the outcome to be and work backwards from there. So if I had a problem with my ex dropping the child off 5 minutes late every time I would want to think about  it from the courts point of view and how the order would be written. What would the order say, “Return the child on time or face a year in jail”? Not likely. What judge is going to listen to you talk about “The ex is 5 minutes late”, the ex saying “I’m always on time” and then issue you an order to your liking? No judge would do that. Looks like you’ll be putting up with them being late.

How about the arguing? Imagine going to court and telling the judge that when you see each other you argue. If it were you hearing that, would you be likely to think “don’t do that”? If the judge asks if there is violence and the answer is “no” then wouldn’t that reinforce that thought “don’t do that”?

It is these types of arguments that look more like you need parents than a court. But if you begin to put these items together, you may be getting closer to a situation that requires the courts help. Let me explain. Remember when I told you to think about the outcome? If you want the child returned on time, you want to stop yelling when you see each other or talk, and you need child support on time, maybe it’s time to look at a different solution.

Courts have a mediation process. You could petition the court to send you to mediation where you can work out your differences, or if that fails, then take mediation to the next level and have them make a recommendation to the court. The secret to this is being truthful about the issues (they can’t fix what they don’t know about) and offering real solutions.

From the example above, I would suggest that each parent be responsible to pick up on their time eliminating late drop off (it can’t happen if you have control). Have each parent stay seat belted in their car during exchanges eliminating any argument, and then eliminate all contact except by email. An email argument is much easier to document who said wha4t and a lot less drama.

So the next time you have “baby mamma drama” think about how you would resolve this from the resolution and then think backwards until you get to the start.