This is the first of a 3 part series. After the long and arduous journey from divorce through custody battles and a final order, what are you going to do when exchanging the child breaks down? You need a plan so let’s get to work.
Nothing in this article is going to be easy to accomplish, but it will make your life pleasant again. You have invested a tremendous amount of time and energy in your child custody arrangement. You have done everything that was asked of you at each and every step along the way. You have followed the rules, been respectful and obedient of the laws, the courts, the judges, the attorneys and the other parent. So why do you feel so alone and helpless now that the other parent is creating a problem during exchanges?
The other parent may pull all types of things on exchanges from, showing up late, not showing up at all, demanding money, goods, or even a new agreement in exchange of the child. They may still have feelings for you and demand to know where you were, who you’re with, or what you were doing. They can keep you waiting for hours wondering about the safety of your child. This is just a partial list, but if you can relate to this, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
While you may feel isolated and alone in handling this problem, you are about to find out that you are not. Exchanging the child is a great way for the other parent to create trouble, seemingly without any type of repercussions. This is the perfect time for the other parent to cause problems for you, and oh yeah, this is not uncommon. Join the ranks of the millions of us who have “been there, done that”. Aren’t there laws to protect you? Didn’t you get an order to set boundaries? Why won’t the police help enforce it? Isn’t the system supposed to protect children “best interests of the child”?
Now that you know you aren’t the only one, we need to look at how you’re going to fix this. You read that right, “You’re going to fix this”. The issue here is that while you have an order, the order is civil and not criminal. That means that while an officer might be able to help, you are more likely to hear, “you need to go back to court”. Raise your hand if you’ve heard that and wanted to cry.
I know I was astounded when I heard that. I mean, you spend thousands of dollars, hundreds or thousands of hours working on your custody case to get to an agreement, only to be told “go to court”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You have done nothing but go to court and look where it got you, back at square one.
Well guess what, the officer was right. You need to go back to court. But this time, things will be different. Very, very different because this time you will take away the power that allows the other parent to do this to you. If you don’t want your power back, stop reading and move on. If you want to make them cry because they lost a very good thing, keep reading.
Keep in mind that I am very pro-child. I have seen parents do horrendous things to the other parent, other family members, even the child, but the child still has a right to a relationship with that parent. If we don’t ensure that relationship happens, those broken bonds will haunt them all their adult life. So when I talk about taking away the power for them to hurt you, I urge you to protect the child’s relationship with the other parent.
You will need to do all of the work to fix this problem, on your own. There is no agency to call, no one you can pay, you just buckle down, educate yourself and do the work. First, let’s look at our objective. The objective is to get a judge to issue an order that will prevent the other parent from creating trouble. I am not talking about some sissy language that says ”stop it”. I’m talking about restricting the other parent in very objective terms. For instance, a restraining order would be enforceable by the police. Language that states the parent must have no more than 15 minutes of leeway in drop off time or they lose all visitations until the go back to court. You need an order that protects you but doesn’t interfere with the child’s right to visit the other parent.
I know I was astounded when I heard that. I mean, you spend thousands of dollars, hundreds or thousands of hours working on your custody case to get to an agreement, only to be told “go to court”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You have done nothing but go to court and look where it got you, back at square one.
Well guess what, the officer was right. You need to go back to court. But this time, things will be different. Very, very different because this time you will take away the power that allows the other parent to do this to you. If you don’t want your power back, stop reading and move on. If you want to make them cry because they lost a very good thing, keep reading.
Keep in mind that I am very pro-child. I have seen parents do horrendous things to the other parent, other family members, even the child, but the child still has a right to a relationship with that parent. If we don’t ensure that relationship happens, those broken bonds will haunt them all their adult life. So when I talk about taking away the power for them to hurt you, I urge you to protect the child’s relationship with the other parent.
You will need to do all of the work to fix this problem, on your own. There is no agency to call, no one you can pay, you just buckle down, educate yourself and do the work. First, let’s look at our objective. The objective is to get a judge to issue an order that will prevent the other parent from creating trouble. I am not talking about some sissy language that says ”stop it”. I’m talking about restricting the other parent in very objective terms. For instance, a restraining order would be enforceable by the police. Language that states the parent must have no more than 15 minutes of leeway in drop off time or they lose all visitations until the go back to court. You need an order that protects you but doesn’t interfere with the child’s right to visit the other parent.
