The subtle bone coloring. Romalian type with raised lettering, the tasteful thickness of it... it even has a watermark. There's no mistaking that this couple have really gone out on a limb with their wedding invites. After a few seconds of staring down at the envelope in your hand it dawns on you - you have no idea what to expect from what will be your first wedding ceremony. For many people the introduction begins at an early age. These people adhere to the strange traditions of preparing for someone else's wedding and don't spare it a second thought, but there are those who slip through the net. TV and film can prepare you to some extent, but unless there's someone banging on the glass overhead screaming to her not to marry him, chances are your first wedding experience is going to be something altogether different from the Hollywood norm.
Luckily there are those of us who take note. We remember all the finer details despite the champagne haze so to pass on the gift of knowledge through the ages. In this article I will enlighten you with the truth, slay the myths and put your mind at rest about whether you have to prepare your feet in flats for a long tedious day or dust off those killer six-inch heels.
Every wedding is different, because every couple thinks in their own way. Despite this, within the months and even years that go into wedding planning, all brides go through a subconscious training program meaning that you can almost guarantee some things about the end result.
The invites
These works of art will be painstakingly designed and dispatched to their nearest and dearest with plenty of time to know exactly who's going to be at the event. The first thing to note is whether you are required at the service or just an evening guest. Chances are, you will know long before anything is formalized in writing if you're in for the main event as only close friends and family will usually be invited to attend this. You also need to make sure you RSVP early and avoid the bride's bitterness and a chance that you'll end up seated next to creepy Uncle Nigel.
The dress code
Dressing for a wedding can be as easy or as complex as you wish to make it. Although it may seem confusing, there really are only a couple of golden rules. Firstly and most importantly, you never out-dress the bride. Granted, she will be in a glorious dress, intricately planned and measured to every inch of her body, chosen months in advance and priced way above anything you should be spending, but you should still bear in mind that anything too bright or quirky may still attract attention from the matter in hand. Cleavage should be kept to a minimum as should any excess showing of skin. Dressing as you would for a dinner party fits the accepted standard with most women opting for a smart Summer dress and men almost always wearing tux (if they're in the wedding party) or smart suit. Women should resist wearing all black or white if possible. Check the invites for instructions on dress code, or ask the bride-to-be who should be more than happy to clarify.
The Gift
Many brides will issue a gift list which makes the whole task much easier, but there are some guidelines if you're not so lucky. Betsy Goldberg of Modern Bride suggests an average figure of $75, and suggests adding to this if you are particularly close to the couple. The gift suggests to the newlyweds your wishes for them to have a good start in their married life, so a DVD of Dirty Dancing may not quite fit the bill. A popular gift is home wares; some nice crystal glasses or an expensive set of kitchen knives will be well received, but a gift personal to your relationship with the couple will show far more thought and care than a $100 gift card for Bed, Bath and Beyond.
The Arrival
You will have been given either have a service time or an arrival time with the ceremony details. A good rule of thumb is to plan your arrival time for at least 15 minutes before whatever is printed on the invite. Whilst you may be standing around for much longer than that in actuality, it is common etiquette to be there well before the ceremony starts to be greeted by the Best Man or Groom himself and be seated before the Bride arrives.
The Service
This is the part that can be hard to anticipate. Typically the service will last for around 20-30 minutes, although a Catholic ceremony can take up to an hour. As weddings become more modernized services become shorter and more personalized. Expect a little more loitering after the event to throw confetti, pose for group photographs and wait in turn to give your congratulations to the happy couple.
The Reception
If you were planning on having a drink to reward yourself for surviving thus far, now is a perfect time. The couple will be busy with the photographer and you can count on there being a bar. Typically from start to finish, the reception lasts around 5 hours, with the formalities beginning around one hour in. The evening will be directed by the Master of Ceremonies who has the job of keeping all the guests in the right place for the right time announcing when you are required to be seated.
Once at your table, the couple will be announced and speeches begin. If the men in the bridal party have their way this could take quite a while as it is often tradition for the Best Man to be intoxicated and the Father of the Bride to become incredibly emotional. This can lead to slightly longer speeches, but if the Bride is organized she will have the Master of Ceremonies keep everyone to their timings. After the meal the couple has their First Dance and performs the Cutting of the Cake which traditionally signals the end of the formalities.
It is not uncommon for the bride to request certain groups pose for photographs at any point during the reception. She will also call a (mainly female) group together for the Tossing of the Bouquet, whilst the men stand aside and cross their fingers for whether they wish to be next or not. Various other traditions such as the Tossing of the Garter and certain organized dances can also be expected.
The Exit
A wedding day is always going to be tiring for all involved. When it comes that time to leave, it is always a good idea to greet the newlyweds once more and pass on your well-wishes before you leave. The Bride will be celebrating her planning successes and her Groom will still be basking in her beauty enough that you should be able to depart without causing any offence. If there is a guestbook, take time to sign it before you leave, and remember to assign a designated driver or call a taxi for a safe ride home!
