Did you have a fight with your boyfriend? Or are you still angry about a fight with your girlfriend?
Every relationship has it's “moments”. Times when there are disagreements and things just seem to boil over into a full-fledged verbal fight. It happens. We are all human and sometimes the days pressures just spill over into the evening at home. Having a fight with your girlfriend doesn't need to be the end of the relationship. Having a fight with your boyfriend doesn't mean that he doesn't still love you!
What distinguishes heated discussion from a fight is the intention – not to hurt, but to air feelings and frustration, not to end with a winner or a loser but for both to feel that they have gained something. More importantly, not to divide you and your partner but to give you a chance to resolve differences, solve problems and work together toward mutually satisfying solutions.
Don't let a molehill turn into a mountain! Don't gather all your little upsets until you're ready for a huge blow-up. Discuss all your concerns – big and small – so that they can be resolved before you explode. Arguments or fights with your boyfriend or girlfriend WILL happen. How they affect your relationship is a result of how you “carried” yourself during the fight.
There are certain rules that need to be followed when a fight does occur. If the rules are not followed – the fight will be repeated over and over again until an eventual, final breakup.
First:Best case – learn how to avoid major, explosive arguments. Distract yourself with activity, or purposefully change thoughts that are going in a negative cycle. Go to the gym, take a walk in the park oe go browse a bookstore. Just make a determined effort to switch your mind to something positive.
Second:Recognize your needs instead of focusing on superficial issues. Instead of breaking up after every fight, getting back together, then fighting again – figure out what you're fighting about and address that. People keep arguing over the same things when they never get to the REAL issue. Peel away the layers of the onion and get to what you really need that your partner is not giving you.
Third:Listen – really listen to what your partner is telling you – what they need. This is often hidden beneath layers, so it may take a bit of digging to get at the root of it all – but patience and perseverance will be worth it in the end. Your partner need to feel understood and when they are given that understanding, major arguments are often avoided.
Fourth:Avoid belittling your partner. Vicious words have done more harm to relationships than infidelities. Despite the old adage – words do hurt. Especially when they are spoken by the one that you love. No matter how angry you are NEVER demean or belittle your partner.
