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Having a controlling mother in law can be one of the most frustrating things you can come across in your marriage (and in life). Not only is it frustrating but sometimes it can become downright torturous, nerve racking, and be full of agony. While it is true that you can not change your mother in law, learning to understand why she is feeling the way she is and acting as she does, may make it easier for you to deal with her.
You will discover in the this article 3 top reasons why she has become controlling. Understand them so you will be able to deal with her and stop having her being so controlling.
1. Children copy what they see. As a child, your mother in law may have grown up with parents who were very strict and controlling. After years of being subjected to and observing this type of destructive behavior, it becomes deeply rooted into their personality and can be extremely difficult to unlearn.
2. To make them feel like they have more self worth. As a child growing up with controlling parents, one does not learn to have a solid sense of positive self esteem. They often feel insignificant or inferior to others. In order to feel as if they have any control themselves, many people try to control the situation or other people. If this seems like it could be the case with your mother in law, you need to let her feel as if she is in control of a situation even though she may not necessarily be. This will allow her to back off and leave you alone.
3. Fear. Many times, mother in laws who have been widowed or divorced suffer from fear of being left alone. As they get older, they may feel that their son who has his own family, may not find the time to help look after them. Because of this fear, they may try to exert control over their son in order to get his attention and not risk losing him.
If you find this is the concern with your mother in law, you need to find comforting ways to include her in your family affairs so she can feel loved and a part of something important once again. If she knows that controlling behaviors will not be tolerated but can just lead to more isolation, she may stop so she can still be apart of what you are offering. If you can show her that there is nothing for her to worry about, she will stop trying to go out of her way to control any part of the situation, or her son's actions.
While having a controlling mother in law may often be VERY difficult, showing her that you are understanding, making the effort to include her and to validate her as a worthy person, will give her the security she needs to be able to stop her controlling behavior and give you the pleasure of living again.
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