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Guilty conscience.
Dalip Singh Wasan, Advocate.
I was married to a person who was living in a joint family. They were two brothers. The father was very old and my mother in law had left this world before my arrival in this house. The elder brother had got two sons and in due course I gave birth to two daughters and then all of a sudden my husband died in an accident. On the occasion of last ceremonies of my husband, my parents were ready to take me to their own house, but somehow elder brother of my husband could persuade them that I should remain in this house and her daughters shall be brought up well and shall be married properly. My parents were poor and they liked this proposal coming from this side and therefore, they left me here in this family.
As far as I could know the joint family had got this house and they had got about ten shops which were on rent and were carrying handsome rent. My brother in law had been telling me that since my husband had been holding a share in all these properties, therefore, they shall not be having any financial problems.
I was young when I became widow. I was just thirty years old. My brother in law had been having me in his arms even during the days of my husband and therefore, he had been continuing all these taking in arms and now he has started pressing me hard with his body and sometime he was having some kisses on my cheeks and on my lips. Since my brother in law was also young, I was having some satisfaction on this sex side too. I was not ready to go ahead because if anything had been exposed, my sister in law could have turned me out. I knew all this because often she had been passing some unworthy remarks against her own husband.
I must accept that my brother in law had been spending lavishly on my daughters. They were given education up to degree level and one daughter could complete her course of B.Ed. teacher. They were married and were living happily. It was very right that I could was never allowed to face financial problems. My brother in law had been utilizing me as his second wife and therefore, he was having all care for me. Our relations knew all these relations and they were having respect and regard for my brother in law who had kept the honour of the house and did not allow it to go out of the house. I was totally illiterate and I could not understand all these remarks given by our people and others around us.
One day some lady from our relations had been sitting with my sister in law i.e. wife of brother of my husband. They were talking on my subject. They were talking all about the education and training of my daughters and they also referred to the marriages of my daughters. They had been talking about the honour which my brother in law saved by keeping me at his house as a second wife. At this stage, he was not my brother in law and I was not his sister in law. People had been recognizing him as my husband and therefore, I had started accepting this fact of life. The last remarks from the side of my sister in law were, “ In fact this second wife of my husband never turned widow. Actually I was turned widow because since my man had started sleeping with this woman, he has virtually stopped sleeping with me and considering me as his wife. He got a new model which is more beautiful and this man is found of beauty. I knew that my husband had been having some sex relations with this woman even when her own husband was alive and when her husband died they got full opportunity to convert these relations into husband and wife and they are living as husband and wife and I am simply a domestic servant in this house.” And when the other lady was leaving her, she again took a sigh and said, “ Dear Sister, I had turned widow on the day when my brother in law died and this lady could get the man of her choice.” And these remarks were never to my ears. But once I had listened these remarks, I had not been having a sound sleep nor I am happy that my daughters could get proper education, proper training and then were properly adjusted in marriage. I had lost this opportunity of life and I had started believing that I had lost this life and all honour which I could have attained had I been leading a life of a widow. A woman may suffer financial hardships, but she must not lose her honour. I started thinking that a widow stands at a better position and a keep stands at a lower position.
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