never told a soul about the damage in his soul until he finally found the courage to tell a pastoral counselor.
Bob, it was incredibly hard. I felt so ashamed, but I got the words outsobbing as I shared. The second I finished, my counselor whipped out his Bible, turned to Genesis 3, and preached a thirty-minute message on sin. I knew that I was a sinner, but Im clueless as to how my counselor intended to relate that passage to my situation. At that second, did I need a sermon on sin?Jim did not return for his second session with his pastoral counselor. Instead, he arranged an appointment with a professional Christian counselor.
Bob, at first things went well. My counselor seemed to have compassion for what I went through. But after two months of counseling, I was ready to have him help me move beyond empathy. I knew that I wasnt loving my wife and kids like Christ wanted me to. But my counselor kept telling me that I was too damaged to love the way I wanted to love.
It is the tale of two counselorsthe alltoo- common tale of two Christian counselors. One hears a sordid story of sexual abuse and immediately responds to his sobbing counselee with a sermon on sin. The second hears his counselees longing to move beyond damage to dignity and informs him that hes too disabled to fully function.
The tale of Jims two counselors exposes a common problem in Christian counseling. We tend to focus either on suffering or on sinning. We see our counselee either as a victim to be comforted, or as a sinner to be confronted. Biblical counseling is not either/or. It is both/ andboth soul care for suffering and spiritual direction for sinning. British Christian psychiatrist Frank Lake says it well, Pastoral care is defective unless it can deal thoroughly with the evils we have suffered as well as with the sins we have committed.1
Soul Care for Suffering
Soul care for suffering begins with sustaining. While sustaining Jim, I wanted to help him to know that its normal to hurt.Before interjecting Gods story, I embraced Jims story. Before insisting that God is good, I agreed with Jim that life is badlife in our fallen world is out of joint. We can think of this process as climbing in the casket. This rather macabre image shocks us into realizing the nature of sustaining.
When the Apostle Paul wrote to his friends in Corinth, he said he wanted them to know that he was under great pressure far beyond his ability to endure, so that he despaired even of life. Indeed, in his heart he felt the sentence of death (2 Corinthians 1:3-9). Jim, too, felt like he had been handed a death sentence. His soul felt dead, disintegrated, shamed, and crushed. I joined Jim on death row. I climbed in Jims casket, entering his despair.
I did not intend to leave Jim there. A casket is an appropriate place to visit, but its no place to live. While its certainly true that life is bad, its eternally certain that God is good. Because God is good, healing says, Its possible to hope.We grieve, but not as those who have no hope. While listening to Jims sordid story of suffering, I was also listening to Gods beautiful narrative of healing.
It is not enough that I heard God; Jim needed to hear God. My role was to stretch Jim to Gods perspective. I wanted to encourage him to embrace God even as Paul had. Paul came to realize that God allowed his suffering so that he might not rely on himself, but on God who raises the dead (2 Corinthians 1:9). I not only climbed in the casket with Jim, I also celebrated the resurrection with him. Jim began to find healing when he found Gods healing partnership, perspective, and purposes in his pain.
Spiritual Direction for Sinning
While assuring Jim that he was blameless regarding the abuse he suffered, I took him at his word when he shared that he knew he did not maturely love his family. Jim needed to face the sins he had committed, knowing that God is gracious even when we are sinful. As a spiritual director dealing with sin, I needed to discern the root causes of Jims failure to love so I could offer loving wisdom that could reconcile and guide Jim.
Reconciling Jim included helping him to know that its horrible to sin, but wonderful to be forgiven.The Puritans spoke of loading the conscience with guiltand lightening the conscience with grace.We loaded Jims conscience with biblical conviction about the damage that his sin was having upon Gods reputation, Jims family, and Jims soul. Coming to see the depth of his sin and taking personal responsibility, Jim deeply repented of his failure to love.
While exposing his sin, we also exposed Gods grace. We dialogued about God as Jims forgiving Father. We pictured the Father running to Jim, throwing his arms around him, kissing him impetuously, and throwing a wild party because His son had returned home.
Some soul physicians are content to stop at this point, believing that the work of repentance and forgiveness completes the spiritual direction process. But Jim still had to walk into his home, face his past failures, tackle his fears, and offer his family courageous love. My guiding task was to empower Jim to experience the truth of who he was to and in Christ so he could realize that its supernatural to mature.Take help from telephone therapist .
We talked about what love would look like in his home, about what risks Jim would need to take, and about how he could continue to find strength in Christ. Over time, Jim began to exercise power, love, and wisdom as a husband and father. He was not too damaged to love.
In Jims weakness, Christ showed His strength. In Jims suffering and sin, Christ demonstrated His allsufficiency.
