Sit down, and let me tell you a story, a fable that tells of a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is a fable, written by Aesop, that you may be curious to learn, and can tell us of addiction's common deceptions. Perhaps you will find the lesson in the beginning, or even at the end, but you will be curious about what you will soon learn, as you read on.
"A wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so the wolf put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep.
A lamb began to follow the wolf in the Sheep's clothing. So, leading the lamb a little apart, he soon made a meal of her. For some time he succeeded in deceiving the sheep, and enjoying hearty meals."
What's Underneath: The Wolf
Appearances are deceptive. Aesop's famous fable, as in many stories from our own lives, makes that quite clear. Certainly, we can "think" we know what is causing our struggles, and often the causes can be quite obvious. Nevertheless, for those in recovery, what is on the "outside," what is "seen," is not always reality. Many times, it is the wolfe "underneath" that seeks to drive the addiction, maintain it, and feed its hunger.
Think about yourself, or someone you know, who may be in recovery. On the outside, the addiction can "look" like the primary focus, and paradoxically can be. Yet, what I often speak of with clients, is that something underneath, within them, is painful, and is consciously, or subconsciously covered, protected, and held at bay. Beneath outside appearances, there is an often-painful event, experience, or history that the outside behaviors, the "pelt," addictions, seek to cover. It is the "wolf on the inside," trauma, that seeks to be hidden from view. Certainly, the wolf is not kind, nor is it tame, but the stories, and experiences, can still haunt people without their awareness. They are hidden under the pelt of addictive behaviors, and can look like something different than what they really are.
Sexual and physical abuses are some of the strongest wolves "under the pelt." For example, they are the very things that can first drive people to engage in addictive behaviors. Even if the conscious mind struggles to know exactly what the underlying cause is, the addictive behaviors often seek to cover the trauma underneath. Addictive behaviors are often ways to cope with pain, whether conscious, or not. Sometimes the painful memories are so great that they split off and are stored in ways that even the conscious mind is not aware of.
There is a part of you that wants to be healed and wants to express the painful stories. This is the part that wants to get help, feel better, and recover. Nevertheless, sometimes we seek to "push the trauma away" to prevent the wolf from rearing its ugly head and attacking. The mind often grabs onto drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, even chaos, to keep the wolves at bay. We cover it with a pelt. Nevertheless, the wolves are unrelenting. They seek to have their stories told by giving people flashbacks, body memories, fear, anxiety, and nightmares. Ironically, by letting the wolves out, by sharing the trauma, and processing it, the wolves lose their power. The nervous system can eventually release the trauma, and the physical, emotional, and spiritual symptoms.
Shedding The Pelt
The wolf's growl comes in the form of the feelings, emotions, body memories, and experiences that surface. It is loud. Yet, why would the wolf, the trauma, want to come out from under the surface in the first place? Why doesn't it want to stay under the sheep's pelt, stay hidden, and keep feeding the addictions? The answer to these questions lies in an "internal healing mechanism" that seeks for us to feel whole, safe, and protected.
Ironically, this internal healer may be the same part that thinks that addictive behaviors will quell the trauma. Yet, the wolf is so overpowering and strong, trauma often wins out over those addictive behaviors. The pain is still there, somewhere. The trauma story must be reprocessed through a more healthy perspective, and its hold on the nervous system, released. It is the trauma, the wolf, that needs to shed the pelt.
EMDR
Consider that our brain has two hemispheres; the left is more logical and the right, more emotional. Trauma causes the hemispheres to get out of sync. For example, you may know that what happened to you "is over" but it doesn't feel true. Your logical left brain and subjective right brain are in conflict. As a result, the upsetting, scary, or traumatic experience stay "stuck" or "frozen" in the nervous system. In addition, negative beliefs such as "I'm not good enough," "It's my fault," or "I deserved it," feel true, even though logically, you know that they are not.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is an evidence-based therapy that often gets to the wolf, the underlying trauma. EMDR unfreezes the trauma, and helps the nervous system "let go." The nervous system learns that it doesn't have to be in a state of alert. The brain shifts out of the "fight of flight" mode that causes symptoms such as anxiety, body memories, fear, and flashbacks.
EMDR combines elements of several different therapies with alternate right and left (bilateral) eye movements, tones, or tactile stimuli. In essence, the bilateral stimulation encourages the left and right sides of the brain to communicate effectively. The brain releases the fight or flight response, thus the wolf underneath of the pelt is exposed for what it is. As a result, clients find that they feel more in the present, less controlled by what lies underneath. They learn that they can release the wolf, and its hold, and move forward.
