Adam and Eve

God was there before anything was, the ultimate eternal divine that needs nothing and no body. However, and for some reason he decided to keep all for himself, he created angels, delicate efficient creatures made from light to worship and obey God for eternity. The pure angels did not have the ability to rebel or think for themselves, and things probably got a little boring after a few million years of uninterrupted worship that God decided to create a new creature. This time God used clay –probably the world was created at some point in between to provide the clay- and gave the new creature the ability to think, question authority, make choices and more importantly, make lots of mistakes. God then introduced this clay creature ‘Adam’ to the Angels saying; here is Adam, I made him from clay and he makes lots of mistakes, but he is far better than all of you, therefore, I want you all to prostrate and submit to him. At this particular point in time something magical happened, for one of the Angels suddenly developed the ability to rebel and decided to use it instantly. He refused to obey this order protesting that it clearly does not make sense because angels are clearly more superior to this clay creature accusing the mighty God of grave injustice. God understandably got really very angry –and probably very surprised-, but instead of punishing this rogue angel (who was called Satan by the way) here and then, God decided to delay the punishment for a few million years, and told Satan to bugger off somewhere away from them, where he can be free to do whatever he likes and practice his heresies without further interruption. God then looked at Adam, and noticed he had given him an unnecessary rib that had no useful function and probably was a little unsightly. God skilfully removed that rid and made it into Eve, Adam’s cunning but greedy follower. The merciful God then put them both in heaven where they can live happily ever after, but although he loved them both so much, and although he knew they both had the tendency to make lots of mistakes, he still decided to fit heaven with an ejection button which if they press can make God very angry and will cause severe consequences for both of them. However, God being so loving and merciful made sure that both knew were that button was and told them not to press it, then left them alone and turned away.

In the mean time, Satan knew about all what’s been happening and was able to sneak back into God’s premises straight into heaven without God taking any notice. Being the cunning horrible angel that he became after his sudden unexpected transformation, and probably with the help of some inside information, Satan headed directly to Eve, knowing that she is the weaker and more stupid of the two, and knowing that although Adam was made of only clay, Satan had no chance to win without the help of stupid Eve. It didn’t take him long to persuade her to ask Adam to press God’s button, and once Adam did it, God almighty suddenly became acutely aware of all that’s been happening in his own backyard. He turned to Satan and said, oops you did it again, but again this time I will let you go and escape somewhere very far, and I will not take any of your powers away, but you, and by you I mean Adam and Eve, I’m really very disappointed. I the merciful God, have favoured you upon all my creatures, and put you in heaven with only one ejection button, and after all that I’ve done for you without asking you to do anything in return,  you betray me and press my button only because a cunning devil of an angel told you to. Now you all have to go away, all of you have to go down to earth, to a life of suffering and struggle, you will not be able to see or feel Satan, but he will be able to access your thoughts and affect your actions, and if you or any of your off springs listen to him again, I will put you in hell with Satan till eternity, and this time, there will be no ejection button.

God the just and merciful then at a later stage forgave Adam and Eve, and when they died after suffering on earth he took them back to heaven because they deserved it by believing he existed . Their off springs are a little less lucky though, as most of them will end up in hell, while Satan continues his evil binge on earth till this very moment. It’s a shame because God really loves them all, even those who’ll end up in hell, and God is trying very hard to save everybody, and even feels their suffering. Pity that God always gets his way, except when it comes to those doomed off springs of his spoiled son, the silly unreasonable none-believers of this story.