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Traditional ceremony readings peppered with "thou shalts" and "whilst ye´s" aren´t for everybody. If you cannot bear another rendition of "love is patient, love is kind…" at your wedding ceremony, you´ve come to the right place. Consult this list of alternative - even humorous - ceremony readings inspired by modern literature, songs, and poetry that pack a slightly edgier punch than traditional wedding readings.
Wedding Ceremony Readings - Humorous
To Keep Your Marriage Brimming - Ogden Nash To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you´re wrong admit it; Whenever you´re right shut up.
Yes I´ll Marry You - Pam Ayres Yes, I´ll marry you, my dear, And here´s the reason why; So I can push you out of bed When the baby starts to cry And I hear a knocking And it´s creepy and it´s late I hand you the torch you see And you investigate Yes I´ll marry you my dear And you may not apprehend it But when the tumble dryer goes Its you that has to mend it You have to face the neighbour Should our roggie cat attack him And if a drunkard fondles me Its you that has to whack him Yes Ill marry you You´re virile and you´re lean Your house is like a pigsty I´ll help you keep it clean That sexy little dinner Which you served by candle night As I do the chappatis you can cook it every night It´s you who has to work the drill And put up curtain track And when I´ve got a migraine its you who gets the flack I do see great advantages But none of them for you And so before you see the light I do I do I do I do
Get even more wedding ceremony humorous readings here.
Wedding Ceremony Readings - from the Movies
FromCaptain Corelli´s Mandolin- by Louis Bernieres Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.
FromFools Rush In You´re the one! You are everything I never knew I always wanted. I´m not even sure what that means exactly but I think it has something to so with the rest of my life! And I think we should get married! Right now!
Wedding Ceremony Readings - From Poetry
FromA House of Stone- by Carmen Bugan In the village where I was born, we wish A house of stone to shelter the heart of the marriage So here too, I wish you Obstinate, strong love, unyielding and unending. May you be in reach of each other when all seems lost, May your tears and your smiles happen always face to face. When you imagine that you have shared everything May you know that you still have the rest of your lives To do all of it again and again. But now listen to the hurry of bells and Look how petals of roses about the vineyard Bring you the words husband and wife: First words in your house of stone.
Wedding Ceremony Readings - From Songs
FromLovesong- by The Cure Whenever i´m alone with you You make me feel like i am home again Whenever i´m alone with you You make me feel like i am whole again Whenever i´m alone with you You make me feel like i am young again Whenever i´m alone with you You make me feel like i am fun again How ever far away, i will always love you How ever long i stay, i will always love you Whatever words i say, i will always love you I will always love you
Get even more alternative wedding ceremony readings here.
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