Bad driving, inconsiderate people, the feeling that you are not being heard - we can all list the things that make us see red. But if not controlled, these hot emotions of rage can morph into more serious physiological symptoms, including headaches, hypertension, ulcers and heart conditions.
To learn how to control these emotions, you first need to understand anger and what your triggers are. Anger and rage lie towards the top end of a continuum. At the bottom is irritation, then comes frustration, anger, rage and at the top, violence.
Rage taken to its extreme can manifest into all sorts of dark uglies: violence, crime, spouse- and child-abuse, troubled relationships and bad working conditions. This fierce emotion is primarily created when we perceive ourselves to be victims of a person or situation. It's a natural and necessary form of defense, but is frequently overused and unskillfully expressed.
Anger can also be the result of damaged pride, unrealized expectations or repeated negative, or hostile fantasies. The goal of anger is to accomplish our purpose and blame others for our own shortcomings. We may want to raise our low self-worth, hide our feelings and displace other emotions.
Furthermore, fatigue and stress lowers your tolerance to daily irritations, which in turn can manifest into something darker. Many of us have become so accustomed to the stress in our daily lives that we don't even recognize that we're stressed until we explode.
Four Positions of Anger
We describe four basic positions from which anger emerges. See which one sounds familiar:
Indignants
This is the group of people who develop a 'self-righteous' style of behaving in the world. They feel superior to others and highly critical and judgmental. But beneath this exterior, lies a guilty, fearful and inferior aspect. This is best described as 'self-wrongness'. These people don't tend to be accommodating. They don't like compromise and have a strong need to express their control over others. When they don't get what they want, they react and when they are opposed in any way, they become indignant and overbearing. To deal with these personalities, others feel like they need to 'pussy-foot' around them. Consciously or unconsciously, the receiver of the rage lives in fear of being 'pounced on'.
Placaters
This second group of people tend to be too kind, polite and accommodating to others. They behave as if they feel self-wronged much of the time. Placaters are often called 'rescuers', who fear hurting others and in turn, being rejected by them. They tend to suppress their own needs, thereby rejecting their true 'authentic' selves. This behavior creates a bottling up of irritation, frustration and anger, which in turn can lead to an explosion of anger, followed by guilt, fear or further repression of feelings, all of which again can culminate in an expression of rage. This suppression of true self can create a build-up of anxiety, and is often the cause of panic attacks.
I'm Finers
This third group of people insist they are fine, when in reality, they aren't. Fine stands for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Exhausted. You don't have to have experienced trauma to pretend you are 'fine', but generally, this group of people have unresolved trauma. This is defined as the perception of a threat of physical injury or death. When you experience trauma, you feel as helpless as a child. One of the most common responses is to experience anger, which can lead to rage if the trauma is not dealt with at an emotional, mental or even spiritual level. For most people, the experience of trauma leaves you feeling like a victim.
Hierarchy Values
Rage creation revolves around our hierarchy of values. We all have a hierarchy ranging from what is most important, to least important. We tend to enjoy the company of those who share our hierarchy of values. On the other hand, we are going to get angry if what we value isn't supported by the world. When faced with these situations, our feelings of self-righteousness are provoked. Depending on both a person's history and personality, as described, this anger can manifest into rage - an 'out of control' expression of anger.
